Ex-husband: I can’t believe you brought a date to our divorce hearing.
Ex-wife: Fuck you! You hooked up with a girl in court.
Ex-husband: I didn’t “hook-up” with her, we made plans for lunch today.
Ex-wife: And that’s better?
Ex-husband: Actually, it’s quite impressive. I rock, you suck, I’m getting laid tonight.
Ex-wife: I got laid last night.
Ex-husband: That’s because you are a dirty hooker.
San Diego Family Court
San Diego, California
Overheard by: Sean
Preppie guy: … And I said, “That’s why I trade corn futures!” [Entire table erupts in raucous laughter.]
Ethiopian restaurant, 12th & U
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Ladle
Female professor: I may not be the best literary critic of the century, but I know when I’m in a fucking whorehouse.
Combs Hall
Fredericksburg, Virginia
Little boy #1: [Makes peeing sound, pretends to pee.]Little boy #2: That’s nothing! Feel the wrath of my penis!!
Macy’s in Fashion Square Mall
Orlando, Florida
Overheard by: Stephanie
Annoyed suit: Sir, don’t make me break out the “Canterbury Tales!”
Washington, DC
Freak in furry pants and top hat, to fellow freak: You’re the friendster of alien abduction services, and I’m the myspace: You did it first, but I did it better.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: LeeKelly
Lady professor: AU is so different, there are so many females here. When I was in college, my sophomore year it was a five to one ratio! Males to females! The men were hanging from the trees. You’d walk through campus, wary, and then you’d sit at the cafeteria table and look up from your breakfast and there would be five guys -just staring at you!
Justice Research Class, American University
Washington, D.C.
Chick #1: I miss my car.
Chick #2: I miss my car too. Not like, driving it or anything. But I miss my car. We’ve been through so much together –four accidents, hitting a mailbox, and a lot of repairs. But I’m not like, a bad driver or anything.
George Washington University
Washington, DC
Teen girl #1, looking at hot teen guy’s myspace page: He likes me.
Teen girl #2: No, he doesn’t.
Teen girl #1: Yes, he does. He told me I’d look good naked.
Teen girl #2: Well, that’s just a fact. It doesn’t mean he likes you.
Los Angeles, California
Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!
Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas
