Professor on first day of class: I used to go around and have everyone tell me their name, year, and what they hope to get from taking this class, but I decided that frankly, I don’t actually care.
Digital Media Class, Boston College
Boston, Massachusetts
Customer: I want that shirt. The one with the cool-looking gun on it.
Employee: Gun? Dude, that’s Florida…
Boston, Massachusetts
Disappointed wife: Hi. I’d like to exchange these really nice-colored dress shirts for these really boring dress shirts. I had my husband try on the lilac, and it looked great. He said he would never wear it because it made him look gay. I said, ‘First of all, you’ll never be attractive enough to pass for a gay man…!’
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Express Customer
Guy to girl: Hey, remember when my grandfather went through that phase where he wanted us to be Jewish?
Passerby: It’s overrated.
Guy: … What?
Passerby: Being Jewish — it’s overrated. There’s a lot of baggage.
Public Gardens
Boston, Massachusetts
Preppy girl: Oh my god, I have, like, two wives. I think I have a husband… I used to have a boyfriend and two wives.
Guy: That seems to happen to a lot of people…
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: shiny
Scottish woman to bald Brit: If you get her number, I’m buying you a bed-in-a-bag.
Boylston Street
Boston, Massachusetts
Northeastern University girl: I’m so nervous about that Economics test…
Northeastern University guy: Oh, that? That class is so easy. You just have to go to class.
Northeastern University girl: See, if I go to class, I get confused and don’t get it, so I don’t bother going anymore.
39 bus
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: let me clue you in
Girl behind counter: Someone needs to tape his ass together, because he is loose. He is like grandma-and-whiskey loose.
Tattoo parlor
Cambridge, Massachusetts
Overheard by: switching to vodka
High school physics teacher: You see, everything has a gravitational force, so everything is attracted to everything else. For example, I am attracted to this door. This… is a really… nice door. And this table — this is a really, really nice table… But I really like the door.
Massachusetts
Security guard to girls who set off alarms: It’s okay. Sometimes I steal things, too.
Boston, Massachusetts
