Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Flight attendant, after landing: If anyone left a black coat, please come to the front of the cabin to claim it. (pause) Or if anyone would like to take a black coat for free.
Orlando, Florida
Flight attendant over PA after bump during taxi: Don’t worry guys, it was just a cat!
Southwest Airlines, BWI airport
Baltimore, Maryland
Flight attendant: Please refrain from smoking for the rest of your life.
Flight over Denver, Colorado
Vaguely thuggish flight attendant: Aiiight, y'all, welcome aboard United Airlines…don't know the flight number, but we're going to Detroit, and that's all that matters.
Delayed Flight from Washington, DC
Overheard by: keeeeem
Flight attendant: Fasten your seatbelt low and tight around your waist, like Britney Spears' pants.
Airplane
St. Louis, Missouri
Flight attendant: As you depart the aircraft, please check your area for any personal belongings. If you leave anything behind, please make sure that it can either be split three ways or that we can sell it on eBay. Thanks for flying Southwest!
Buffalo, New York
Overheard by: robyn
Flight attendant, over loudspeaker: We will now be dimming the lights for the remainder of the flight.
(Lights dim)
Flight attendant, in deep, sexy voice: Are you in the mood to fly now? I thought so…
Southwest Airlines Flight
Austin, Texas
Dutch flight attendant, collecting airsick bags: Vomit? Vomit? Vomit? Vomit? Thank you. Vomit? Vomit, sir?
NWA Flight
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: Ladle
The pilot is sitting in the cockpit making clicking noises and singing in a falsetto voice.
Flight attendant: Are you high?
On the runway
Dulles, Virginia
Overheard by: first class is scary
Passenger: What lake is that we’re flying over?
Flight attendant: That would be a cloud.
Flight from St. George, Utah, to Los Angeles, California
