Airports & flights

Male flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, we have finally arrived at a gate. Please make sure you have all your personal belongings before you disembark: iPods, cell phones, BlackBerrys, small pets, sweaters, sunglasses, and since we just came from Las Vegas, wedding rings. Make sure you get those back on folks.

Oakland Airport, California

Overheard by: kat

Flight attendant: Contrary to popular belief, pushing the button with the flight attendant on it will not turn your flight attendant on. So don’t push it.

Flight to New York

Overheard by: Erica Lynn

Loudspeaker in airport: Please don’t leave your belongings unattended.
Crazy lady, to no one: Did they just say homosexuality isn’t allowed in the airport?

Airport
Oakland, California

Overheard by: Kristina

PA: Paging arriving passenger Juan Sanchez from Mexico City. Please return to gate B4 to retrieve your piñata.

Airport
Charlotte, North Carolina

Pilot over PA, after taxiing to the gate for ten minutes: Let me know if you guys see something that looks like an airport.

Denver International Airport
Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: they’re not kidding about being the country’s biggest airport

Stewardess: Sorry for the delay, ladies and gentlemen. The first two planes we tried didn’t work, so this is the third one and we made it here okay…so, so far, so good!

Airport Runway
Cabo San Lucas
Mexico

Teen #1 coming out of arrival gate to friend: So, when do we start coughing, sneezing and squealing to freak people out?
Teen #2: Dude, people with the swine flu don’t squeal!
Teen #1: Then why the hell do they call it that?
Teen #2, jokingly: Because you have to fuck a pig to get it?
Teen #1, seriously: Well, that makes sense!

Logan Airport
Boston, Massachusetts

British girl: That being said, I don’t worry about hiccups much, but I do worry about life a lot.

United Flight
Yerevan
Armenia

Little girl: (talking over airport announcement)
Father: Quiet for a second!
Girl: (continues talking until announcement is over)
Father: Great. What if he was saying “Run! Zombies!”? We’ll be sitting here like idiots while the zombies come…

O’Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Man, pulling out salad on airplane: Now I can get back to what really matters. Chicken.

Flight over Ft. Lauderdale, Florida

Overheard by: Nic