Southern stewardess: In case of a water landing occurring in between Tucson and Las Vegas… (pause) If you are traveling with a spouse or ex-wife be sure to put on your own oxygen mask first so that you have an excuse to leave them on their own.
(later)
Southern stewardess: There are six bathrooms on this Boeing 747, feel free to use any of them if you don't like my jokes. (pause) Oh, and if you have any questions don't ask me, I'm new here.
Flight 280
Tucson, Arizona
Overheard by: kat
Guy #1: Man, it's all cloudy down there.
Guy #2: Yeah…
Guy #1: You know, that's the problem with America… we have a lot of clouds.
Newark Airport, New Jersey
Overheard by: Romulo Escamilla
Chick: You have never truly lived until you have been surrounded by drunk Welsh rugby fans singing I Touch Myself.
International Airport
Denver, Colorado
Airline personnel: We should be boarding the plane at 10:25… If we have a plane.
Airport
Richmond, Virginia
Overheard by: Burt
Flight attendant, concluding pre-flight safety spiel: For those of you who paid attention: Thank you. And for those of you who did not: Good luck.
International Airport
Honolulu, Hawaii
Overheard by: Eric Dean
Angry traveler: The flight’s canceled because of weather?!? Can’t you do something?
Airline counter man: Ma’am, despite my godlike appearance, I cannot control the weather.
O’Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: He’s not so Godlike
Soldier: What is that thing?
Passenger #1: An iPhone.
Passenger #2: Man, where the hell have you been?
Soldier: Iraq.
Flight from Minneapolis to Pittsburgh
20-something #1: Yeah, see, that’s our problem: These girls are pushing 30 and their biological clocks are going off and all that.
20-something #2: Well, that wasn’t my problem before, she was 23 when I started dating her.
20-something #1 (thoughtfully): Yeah… that’s our other problem: time.
Airplane between Detroit and Las Vegas
Overheard by: ncs
TSA agent, looking at ID: So Judy*, how are you doing today?
50-something woman: Fine. How are you?
TSA agent: You know, living the dream.
Security Terminal
Airport, Minneapolis
Flight attendant: As we prepare to disembark, please check to make sure you have not abandoned any bags, personal items or children. All abandoned items will be divided up among the flight attendants, except the children, who will be given to the captain.
JetBlue Flight
