Clothes

Party goer: Kate! It's your turn to do a keg stand.
Kate: No, I can't. I have a shirt on.

Charlottesville, Virginia

Overheard by: christine

Guy #1: I always wanted to open the door wearing nothing but a t-shirt and socks.
Girl #1 (pondering): I think that would be truly amazing. I don't know what would be more shocking, the penis or the socks. Probably the socks.
Girl #2: I guess I could do that next time you guys come over… Just (gesticulates around body) shirt and socks.
Guy #2: Naah. It wouldn't be that great, you not having a penis and all.
Girl #2: Oh, I guess I could wear a tampon! (puts finger in front of crotch and makes a “snakey” motion)

House Party
Pinheiros, Sao Paulo
Brazil

Random high school kid (during summer school): Shoes are like hats for your feet!

Thomas Jefferson High School for Science and Technology
Alexandria, Virginia

Englishman in Manchester City shirt: Oi, is that a Manchester United shirt?
Eight-year-old Japanese boy: Herro.
Englishman in Manchester City shirt: Hello, you cunt.

Japan

Police officer: So that's when they started pulling baseball bats out of their pants?
Guy: Yeah, baseball bats and machetes!

Tysons Corner
Fairfax County, Virginia

Overheard by: Jack

Girl: I will pull my pants up and show you I am not hairy!

University of Maryland
College Park, Maryland

Guy #1: What are you going to get your girlfriend for her birthday?
Guy #2: I got her this sweater she wanted. But I'm also going to get her a dildo in case she doesn't like the sweater. That way she can go fuck herself.

Roosevelt Field Mall
Long Island, New York

Two-year-old boy: I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt! So sexy!
Eight-year-old brother: He doesn't know what it means, he just does it for attention.

Canadia

Overheard by: Amused Babysitter

Lady #1: Did you notice how sheer her skirt was? A woman that size should think about what she wears.
Lady #2: I could see her moles.

Theatre
Brisbane
Australia

(outside of a coffee shop downtown late at night)
Hipster chick: So then I went to the store and found out the shoes were discontinued but…
Creepy guy (with unzipped and unbuttoned pants): What are you guys talking about? Can I talk or are you going to kick me out?
Hipster chick: Uh… (looks around for a quick exit) No man, you can stay. We're talking about shoes.
Creepy guy: You're so hot. No, really. I would kiss you like you'd never think about shoes again.

Akron, Ohio

Overheard by: Julia M