Man: I’ve got basically everything I need — I’ve got the lentils and the sauce. All I need is the methadone and a babysitter.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Gavin
Man: I’ve got basically everything I need — I’ve got the lentils and the sauce. All I need is the methadone and a babysitter.
Seattle, Washington
Overheard by: Gavin
Man #1: What’s that bruise on your forehead from?
Man #2: Watch out for someone in diapers carrying a mallet.
Man #1: I’ve found that to be sage advice in multiple situations…
Wausau, Wisconsin
Guy #1: Hey, you know what? You know what? Suck my balls.
Guy #2: What if I just stuck a pot over them and banged it with a wooden spoon?
Canton, Missouri
Overheard by: Lynn
Guy: So, I heard your daughter is walking around half-naked. Congratulations!
Harvest Faire
Newport News, Virginia
Dude standing in line: Because when I see Kit Kats, I think home pregnancy tests.
Wegmans
Rochester, New York
Dude #1: So, yeah — I woke up last night and I had cramps.
Dude #2: Like a girl?
Dude #1: Yeah, exactly like a girl. They were in that area… You know, that area near your penis but that’s also near your belly button. It has a lot of hair and skin. I dunno.
Dude #2: Whoa, you might have, like, an ovary or something.
Dude #1: I guess anything’s possible.
Ohio State University
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Rachel
Shabby guy to friend: … So now I have to go appease all of these pregnant people…
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: Kirsten
Party host: Man, it took me three weeks to clean the gorilla suit after the wedding…
Ann Arbor, Michigan
Overheard by: Paul
Man, about preteen: She was being such a good penguin that I wished that I had some extra fish to give her.
Delaware
20-something guy: I am not looking forward to this party we’re hosting. It?s going to be a bunch of underage frat boys, an orthodox Jew, and some crazy chick I used to fuck.
Ames, Iowa
