Professor: We are going to talk about tea rooms. Which involve no tea. Unless by “tea,” you mean “cock.”
Columbus,Ohio
Overheard by: Em
Five‐year‐old son: I am going to see the Reds yesterday with Mom.
Father: You mean tomorrow?
Five‐year‐old son: No, yesterday.
Father, puzzled: I think you mean tomorrow, buddy.
Five‐year‐old son, frustrated: Ugh! You’re a pea‐brain, Dad!
Cincinnati, Ohio
Overheard by: teachinghimthewrongthings
Worldly hipster: Do you drink?
Very naive girl: No, tried it once, didn’t like the taste.
Worldly hipster: Do you like tea?
Very naive girl: Yes.
Worldly hipster: Good, then you’ll like beer.
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: The RJP
Son: Mom, can we get something?
Mom: No.
Son: Can we get some Life Savers?
Mom: No.
(son walks over with five Hershey bars)
Son: These?
Mother: No. And if I bought them, I’d eat them all in front of you.
Rocky River, Ohio
Overheard by: Beanah
Girl: Oh my god, I love their deep‐fried mac and cheese balls!
Boy: I got some fried mac and cheese balls for you.
Girl: Tommy, if you tried to dip your balls in a deep fryer, they would probably fall off.
Boy: No they wouldn’t.
Waiter, passing by quickly: Yes they would!
Cheesecake Factory
Kettering, Ohio
Woman browsing through dildos at a sex shop: Do you have any of these that plug in? I run through batteries too fast.
Toledo, Ohio
Overheard by: Cap
30‐something black woman #1: The eye is superficial.
30‐something black woman #2: Yeah, like 20‐year‐old white guys.
Community College
Columbus, Ohio
Overheard by: Madison
Dumb brunette #1: Well, he likes Sarah and Matt…
Dumb brunette #2: They don’t count, everyone likes them!
Dumb brunette #1: Well, my boyfriend doesn’t like any of my friends, then. I don’t really like any of my friends.
Smart, older blonde walking by: Well, dear, there’s a simple solution to that.
Dumb brunette #1: Oh? What is it?
University Library, Kent State
Kent, Ohio
Guy to girl: You know, Mandy Moore made a bad decision going brunette. Now she looks like you, if you were a crack whore.
Oberlin College
Oberlin, Ohio
Overheard by: emily
Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can’t really sew or anything.
Starbucks
Fairborn, Ohio
Overheard by: Barista #3
