Public transportation

Gay male flight attendant: If you'll be requiring wheelchair assistance when we get to Cleveland, please remain seated. Because, if you stand up, we'll assume you've been healed by the Holy Spirit and no longer need our help.
Passengers: (laughter)
Flight attendant: And please keep your seatbelts fastened until we've reached the gate and come to a complete stop.
(man in front row unbuckles his belt)
Flight attendant: Stop it, cheater!

Southwest Airlines Flight
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: Erica

Flight attendant: Please ensure that your mobile phone is switched off for take-off. If you don't know how to turn your phone off, there are plenty of kids on this flight who do.

Adelaide Airport
Australia

Girl on cell: So, did I tell you? I got fired from my job. (pause) Yeah, I guess I'm not a very good gay and lesbian promoter. (pause) Well I'm not gay, so maybe that had something to do with it. (pause) Oh, didn't you hear? I got kicked out of my apartment last week, too. (pause) Yeah, it's gay.

Redline MAX
Portland, OR

Overheard by: Gus

Conductor: Stamford, Stamford stop is…ooh, did you see those two baby reindeer?!

MetroNorth Train
Stamford, Connecticut