Conductor: I don’t wee in your house, so you don’t wee in my station.

Taxi cab driver: She ain't big, but she ain't little, you know. (pause) Broke that bottle over Anna head, but she mean well.

Sierra Vista, Arizona

Overheard by: K

Conductor: Next and final stop: Atlantic City, folks!
(several passengers give confused and bewildered looks)
Conductor: Yeah, I changed my mind. I don't like Trenton.

Trenton, New Jersey

Overheard by: passenger

Conductor over loudspeaker: Diana, I have your clothes… Diana, the head conductor has your clothes.

MBTA Commuter Rail
Boston, Massachusetts

Conductor: This train will terminate at Stratford. The next station is Waterloo. Please change here for the Bakerloo, Northern and Waterloo & City lines. Alternatively you can also change for Waterloo International, catch the next Eurostar, go to Paris and show the French how to play rugby.


Overheard by: kat

Train conductor, to teenage girl with feet on chair: Can you read? (points to sign)
Teenage girl: What…? Oh, sorry. (takes her feet down, conductor walks away)
Suit: He would have never done that if you were a guy.

New Jersey Transit

India-Indian conductor: We will need to stand by in just a few minutes for some maintenance work. We’re having some problems with the brakes, and they will need to be checked… Actually, they’re really not working… At all. [Everyone exchanges looks when doors instantly close and train pulls out of station, rounding the next corner at high speed.]

Chicago El, Brown Line
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Comforting words

Girl stopped at a gas station refueling: Get out of my trunk now! People are going to think that I kidnapped you!

Charlottesville, Virginia

Overheard by: A Concerned Friend

Cabbie: Hey, ever get the urge to just whip out your puppies for the driver?
Girl: Um, no. (several minutes later, while getting out) Cabbie whores!

Las Vegas, Nevada

Train driver: This train is being taken out of service. Brigham Circle will be the last stop for this train. Don't hate the player, hate the game!

E Train
Boston, Massachusetts

Overheard by: camille