Cashier (handing over receipt): Would you like this?
Customer: No, they make babies in my purse…
David’s Supermarket
Whitney, Texas
Customer (ordering a birthday cake for his wife): Can you put “You’re better lookin’ than your twin sister” on it?
Alpine Bakery
Concord, California
Teen cashier at checkout: Are you listening to music on an iPod?
Geriatric customer: It’s an iPhone.
Teen cashier: Dude, you’re ballin’.
Columbus, Indiana
Overheard by: Hoosier
Victoria’s Secret salesgirl to couple: Our bras are 15% off today.
Male: I prefer it when your bras are 100% off.
Victoria’s Secret salesgirl: [With a blank look on her face.] That wouldn’t make sense. Then they would be free.
Depford Mall
Depford, New Jersey
Overheard by: Philly Joe
Hubby: Absolute power corrupts absolutely, dear.
Wifey: It’s not absolute.
Hubby: It isn’t?
Wifey: No. You’re not bowing.
Cashier: Ooh, I like you.
Eau Claire, Wisconsin
Overheard by: the girl with the hat
Random kid: Oh god! This is going to turn into a pregnancy fetish porno.
While seeing Juno
Peabody, Massachusetts
Crazy hobo in McDonald’s line: Does the McDuplo come with fries?
Mcworker: Only if you get the combo. Would you like the combo?
Crazy hobo in McDonald’s line: Son of a bitch! This is McDonald’s. I want fries with my fucking sandwich. [he throws up on the floor, then walks away muttering.]Mcworker to other mcworker: I wish I was dead.
McDonald’s
Belo Horizonte
Brazil
Grocery store clerk: Did you find everything you were looking for today?
Customer: Yep.
Clerk: Oh good. The last woman said she didn’t, and I had no idea what to say. So I just looked at her and kind of shrugged my shoulders. She got so mad.
Customer: Then why do you ask?
Clerk: To be polite.
HyVee
Fort Dodge, Iowa
Dunkin’ Donuts chick: All guys are jerks.
Customer: Aw, come on — I’m a nice guy.
Dunkin’ Donuts chick: Well, I haven’t tried you yet.
Newark, New Jersey
Satisfied customer: They had bacon I would drop-kick a nun for.
Maggie’s
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia
