US Geography

Chick: I can never place his accent–it's like he lives south- but his accent's eastern too.
Guy: Maybe he lives… south east? I don't know.
Chick: No, he lives in Illinois- that's north-south.

New York

Conductor: Next and final stop: Atlantic City, folks!
(several passengers give confused and bewildered looks)
Conductor: Yeah, I changed my mind. I don't like Trenton.

Trenton, New Jersey

Overheard by: passenger

Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!

Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada

Overheard by: Philly Joe

Suit on cell: I just landed in Maine. I mean San Diego. What am I thinking?

San Francisco, California

Overheard by: weary traveler

Guy #1: I was supposed to interview my grandma for my sociology project, but I didn't. I'm going to have to like, make up her life right now.
Guy #2: Why didn't you interview her?
Guy #1: Well, she lives in Oregon, and you know, the time change…
Guy #2: Dude, there's no time change from here to Oregon.
Guy #1: I know that, shut up! I'm trying to make myself feel better.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Beatrice

Old lady to another: Mary started crying because she thought they were taking her back to New Jersey.

Pizza Shop
Lima, Pennsylvania

Woman on cell: I'm coming to LA to make 100 Egyptian army uniforms, then I'm going back.

International Airport
El Paso, Texas

Overheard by: V

Flight attendant: Okay, everyone, we're going to be landing soon. We would like to be the first to welcome you to reality…I mean, Cleveland.

Plane over Cleveland, Ohio

New York liberal Jewish humanities teacher: You don't have to be all “ma'am” and stuff around me.
Student: Ma'am, I was raised in the South, you have to expect some non-ironic chivalry, sorry.

Florida State, Tallahassee

Overheard by: Dr Steve Manly

Sorority girl #1: Are you gonna go?
Sorority girl #2: Like, I don't know. Like, I think I'm gonna go.
Sorority girl #3: Like, I think I'm gonna go, but like I don't know yet.
Sorority girl #2: Oh my god, like after I came back from Vegas, I gained some weight, so like I took Adderall for like two days!

Austin, Texas