Chick: You see that banner? Okay, well, you see at the bottom where it says, ‘Friendship, Unity, Christian charity’? Now, I can spell, but I still think that they should reconsider their title when the acronym turns out to be F-U-C-C… Oh, come on, I can’t be the only one who finds that funny.
Connecticut
Overheard by: L. M.
Pilot over loudspeaker, while landing plane: Whoa there, big fella!
Delta Airlines flight
Girl #1, reading menu: What’s ‘asparation’?
Girl #2: That’s when you have dreams.
Girl #1: … But what happens when you sautée them?
Port Angeles, Washington
Overheard by: Emily
Guy: Hello, pot, this is the kettle! You’re black!
Girl: I am not black. What are you talking about?
Guy: It’s a metaphor. Do you know what a metaphor is?
Girl: Yes — it’s a giant flaming rock that comes out of the sky. You never make any sense.
Seattle, Washington
Health teacher: The four types of sexual activity we’re going to cover are vaginal intercourse, anal sex, oral sex, and mutual masturbation.
Eighth grader: Oral sex? Isn’t that, like, over the phone?
Pyle Middle School
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Next year the teacher preempted the question in her lecture
Student #1 seeing friend drinking Monster energy drink: Oh, I’ve never had a Monster. Can I have a taste?
Student #2: You don’t want to taste his AIDS-infested Monster!
Student #1, after long pause: Never. Say that. Again. Ever.
Doughnut shop
Huntington Beach, California
Shopkeeper: How’s your wife? Did they take her in to have the baby yet?
Shopper: Yeah, they took her in this morning to be seduced.
Bangor
Northern Ireland
Overheard by: limeinside
Little girl, repeatedly: Bow-chicka-wow-wow!
Barnes & Noble
Melbourne, Florida
Mom reading book: This says ‘odd.’ Do you know what ‘odd’ means? It means something is funny or weird. Like when you said you wanted to eat a rock — that was odd.
Red Line train
Washington, DC
Overheard by: Sitting behind them trying not to laugh
20-ish girl: Wait… Is it the Specific Ocean or the Pacific Ocean?
Sarasota, Florida
