England

Guy: What would you do if a clown jumped through the window and tried to abduct you by putting a sleeping bag over your head?
Girl: I'd whup his ass.
Guy: You'd whup his ass, would you? Just like an American.

England

Overheard by: E.

Conductor (at tube stop before Finchley Road station): This train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. I repeat, this train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. (train pulls into Finchley Road, slows down and stops) This train will not be stopping at Finchley Road. (pause) I'm aware that we've actually stopped at Finchley Road, but we will not be stopping at Finchley Road.

Jubilee Underground Line
London
England

Overheard by: Tom

Posh old lady: Well, everyone else said that daddy shot himself, but I still contend that he fell on his gun when he was cleaning it…

Tube, London
England

Overheard by: Wendy Stephens

Wild-haired diner outside restaurant (seriously): If I don't get tenure next year, I don't know what I'll do. I'll have to … I don't know … I'll have to just blog about it.

Bloomsbury, London
England

Customer: Excuse me, why is your “chocolate mud pie” the only dessert on the menu not labeled “vegetarian”?
Waitress: That's because it has cream in it.
Customer: Your other desserts have cream in them and are labeled “vegetarian”!
Waitress: Yeah well, the cream in the chocolate mud pie is made from meat.

London
England