Hispanic cleaning lady, about being a nurse in Mexico: It's not like over there, like say, if you accidentally kill an old person, you have to buy another one.

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: high school aide

Liberal #1: Cut off her head!
Liberal #2: No! Then she wouldn’t feel any of the pain!
Liberal #1: Yeah, you’re right… I suppose you could cut her head off half-way…
Passerby: Um, I don’t mean to interrupt, but, um, what are you talking about?
Liberal #1: How to kill Ann Coulter.
Liberal #2: Is that bad?
Passerby: Oh, no, continue! By all means, please!

After concert at Hollywood Bowl
Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Argonath

Woman to coworker: You'd think if they were going to decapitate someone they wouldn't hide the evidence in their rear window.

West Lebanon, New Hampshire

Customer having lunch: Can I smoke at this table?
Waitress: Honey, you're in Nevada. You can smoke, gamble, drink, screw and cuss. Just don't kill nobody!

Bucket of Blood Saloon
Virgina City, Nevada

Overheard by: Philly Joe

Woman to friend: So I killed three of them already. I guess that means I should lose some weight.

Kansas City, Missouri

Overheard by: corey

Chick #1: I hope you never snap and become a serial killer.
Chick #2 (lovingly): Because I'd kill you first!
Chick #1: I know.
Chick #2: And then I'd stuff you… I would stuff you with your clothes so you smell like yourself.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: Good Advice!

Black 20-something guy to friend: Sir Mix-a-Lot killed more black people in the 90s than heart disease and Aids combined.

Phoenix, Arizona

Overheard by: I know his pain

Older man to friend: I don't like being murdered! Do you know how it feels like to be murdered? Trust me, you don't want to know. I'm always being murdered.

Princeton, New Jersey

Overheard by: uhh am I seeing ghosts?

Professor: And so then after he killed the beast he went and bathed because there was dirt under his fingernails and a civilized man never has dirty fingernails… (pauses) My first girlfriend dumped me for dirty fingernails.

York University

Overheard by: Student

Little boy (pointing at large crucifix in graveyard): What is that guy doing?
Babysitter: That's Jesus.
Little boy: But why is he bloody? Is he dead?
Babysitter: Yes.
Little boy: But Jesus is still alive, isn't he? Why would somebody kill Jesus? And why would they make him go up on that thing?
Babysitter: You know what? It's a complicated story and we'll talk about it later.
Little boy: Bloody Jesus is scary.

Mission Santa Barbara, California