Mother to misbehaving five-year-old: Knock it off! I just got you a pedicure!
Forever 21
Lynnwood, Washington
Mother to misbehaving five-year-old: Knock it off! I just got you a pedicure!
Forever 21
Lynnwood, Washington
Old black guy #1: We can eat here. It’s not too busy.
Old black guy #2: Damn! There sure ain’t no cutie pies in that motherfucker!
McDonald’s
New York
Tween girl, to dad and three younger siblings: I can’t believe we’re eating dinner at a Target…
Target
Royal Palm Beach, Florida
Overheard by: spacerwoman
Mom: This is ridiculous! Why are you crying?
Wailing four-year-old: Because I have no reason left to live!
701 Russell Avenue
Gaithersburg, Maryland
Guy: So, my Friday night was a little awkward.
Girl: How so?
Guy: Well, uh… I sort of… um… Made out with Lyndsey.
Girl: Lyndsey. As in, my ex-boyfriend’s little sister, Lyndsey?! I can’t believe this! What the hell is wrong with you?
Guy: Don’t hate me. It wouldn’t have happened if you were there to watch me! I blame you. Die.
Woodinville, Washington
Dad, screaming at four kids: Get back here, you little bastards! If you don’t behave, I’ll make you sleep in the hotel bathroom when we get there! [10-year-old drops his ticket, and it starts blowing away.] Jimmy! What the hell?! How could you do something so fucking stupid?! Well, what are you standing there for? Run and get it!
Mom, screaming at dad: Why don’t you relax?! He dropped his ticket — so what, you son of a bitch?! We’ll make it there and then you will relax! Your stress issues are really driving me crazy!
Lady behind them in line, to her own husband: I love you, honey.
Airport
Virginia
Chick #1: Look, I’m wearing orange!
Chick #2: Fuck you! You just did that to piss me off, didn’t you?!
Chick #1: Yeah…
Downers Grove, Illinois
Crew member: Sir, you can’t stand here.
Old man, blocking walkway: [Ignores him.]Crew member: Sir! This is a walkway.
Old man: This is foolishness!
Passerby: Why don’t you just die, already?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: uncomfortably waiting for the damn fireworks
Northeastern University girl: I’m so nervous about that Economics test…
Northeastern University guy: Oh, that? That class is so easy. You just have to go to class.
Northeastern University girl: See, if I go to class, I get confused and don’t get it, so I don’t bother going anymore.
39 bus
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: let me clue you in
Kid: Hey, where does the line start?
Mom: All the way over there.
Kid: Dear God. My glasses have fooled me yet again!
Kohl’s
Howell, New Jersey
