Friend #1: I just want a Dance Dance Revolution mat that won't skid around on the floor while I dance on it. I am thinking about covering my old one in an unskiddable material.
Friend #2: Well, you could try human skin.
Friend #1: Does it skid?
Friend #2: Only when wet.

Omaha, Nebraska.

Guy: Where'd you go for lunch today?
Friend: Umm…I don't want to tell you.
Guy: Oh god, you went to Arby's, didn't you!
Friend, groaning: Yes.

Omaha, Nebraska

Sorority girl to lit class: So she was all saying that I was totally against feminism if I insisted on shaving my legs. And I said she was totally against feminism if she insisted on being a whore!

University of Nebraska
Lincoln, Nebraska

20-something to boyfriend: He was like syphilis on a stick!

Omaha, Nebraska

Wife: This is the last chance. I’m really going to file for divorce unless you’re willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won’t cheat on.

Omaha, Nebraska

Old woman: It's like flowers were spitting out of my ass, so don't go telling me how bright and shiny your (makes finger quotes) “effing” life is!

Small Town

Hip daughter: Mom, is that the same guy?
Hip mom: No.
Hip daughter: Then why do they sound the exact same?
Hip mom: Because they're Jewish.
Hip daughter: Really?
Hip mom: No.
Hip daughter (laughing): Oh my god! Mom! That's…
Hip mom: Don't quote me on Facebook.

Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by: robert taylor

Student #1: … And this concludes my presentation on Sudan. Are there any questions?
Student #2: Sudan… Is that where that Hotel Rwanda thing happened?
Professor: No, that would be Rwanda.

International Marketing class, University of Nebraska-Lincoln
Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by: Meagan

(on a bus passing city jail)
Mom: Look kids… that's where daddy is.
Mom: I can give you a haircut.
Man: I like the lady who does my hair, she has good mirrors so I can see the back of my head.
Mom: I've got good mirrors. I've got mirrors on the ceiling, too.

Omaha, Nebraska

Guy to girl in bar: What did you have, some of that Blood of Christ?
Girl: Yeah!
Guy: Yeah?!
Girl: Yeah! It's yummy!

Lincoln, Nebraska

Overheard by: Jill