Should have used a condom

Little boy: Mommy, can we go back to the giant trampoline where you said you saw sexy daddy?

Sedona, Arizona

Overheard by: J

Little girl to friend: You little… Butter, I'm going to whip you up until you smell like rotten juice!

Park Playground
Tacoma, Washington

Daughter: You sure are being stupid today.
Mom: Duh, I have bird poo in my hair.

Seattle, Washington

Three-year-old girl, cheerily scratching at rash: I have excema!

Crowded train
Portland, Oregon

Overheard by: Eggs

Four-year-old: Mommy? When are you going to marry Daddy?
Mom: Shhh…

Trader Joe’s
Brookline, Massachusetts

Mother to two laughing children running down sidewalk: Get back here! Hold her hand! Get back here right this instant! [Catches them and grabs their hands, pulling them back towards their house, pointing at a nearby car.] That car is sitting there. What if that man would have backed out and hit you?! What if he couldn’t have seen you? What then?
Four-year old boy: Then hooray! Hooray!

Los Angeles, California

Mother to child: You need to get up off the floor.
Kid: No!
(small dog approaches, starts licking kid's face)
(kid laughs as mother becomes even angrier, then dog begins humping kid)
Kid: Get him off me, get him off me!
Mother, calmly: See? This is what happens when you lie on the floor. This is why we can't lay down on the floor.

Portland, Maine

Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you “my dear”?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you “my moose”?

Austin, Texas

Little boy at hand-drying machine: Dad, aren’t you going to smell my hands so you know they’re clean?
Dad: No, it’s okay. Let’s go.
Little boy, getting angry: Smell them. Smell them! Smell them!

Restroom, Scottsdale Fashion Square
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: mine were clean

Old Jewish lady: … And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.

São Paulo