Should have used a condom

Little girl to mom bending over stroller: Fine, to make you happy I’ll dress up in my little baby clothes so you’ll pay attention to me.

Panera Bread
Lewisville, Texas

Eight-year-old girl: Asians are ruining everything.
Mother: What?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, the Japanese, the Chinese — they ruin everything.

Georgia

Ten-year-old: Mom, what's “shagging”?
Mom: Um… It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!

Clarksville, Indiana

Mourner at funeral: Tut, one of the undertakers left his jacket on that gravestone.
Son of deceased man: We should check it for money… (whispering) Ghost money!

Graveyard
Cork
Ireland

Dad: Do you want to get McDonald's?
Boy, screaming: No!
Dad: Do you want to get Burger King?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get ice cream?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get machine guns?
Boy: Yes.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: Lacy

Young girl in stall with mother: Mommy, what's that?
Mother to young girl: It's called pubic hair, sweetie…all women have it. When you get older, someday you will get some.
Young girl, mortified: Nooooooooooo!

Mall Restroom
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Monica

12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We’re in public!
12-year-old son: But that’s the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!

Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina

Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

West Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Juanito

Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.

Kingston-Upon-Thames
England

Overheard by: Ben

Mom: Nathan, stop it! Stop it! Get ov– [Nicely] Come over here, Nathan…
Misbehaving boy: Nooo! I know you’re going to spank me!

Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Glad she’s not my mom