“Little Bishop” Would Also Have Been Acceptable

12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We’re in public!
12-year-old son: But that’s the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!

Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina

Posted on January 13, 2016
North Carolina, Penis, Should have used a condom, Words

…For Not Driving a Hybrid.

Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

West Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Juanito

Posted on December 16, 2015
California, Kids, Moms, Murder, Parenting, Should have used a condom, Threats

…Just on That Lady's Shoes.

Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.

Kingston-Upon-Thames
England

Overheard by: Ben

Posted on December 6, 2015
Drinking & drunks, England, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Parenting, Pee, Should have used a condom, Toys

You’re a One Trick Pony, Lady

Mom: Nathan, stop it! Stop it! Get ov– [Nicely] Come over here, Nathan…
Misbehaving boy: Nooo! I know you’re going to spank me!

Calgary, Alberta
Canadia

Overheard by: Glad she’s not my mom

Posted on November 24, 2015
Canadia, Moms, Parenting, Should have used a condom

If He Dies, They’ll Probably Let You Cut All the Lines

Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say “My friend’s dying, can we have discount tickets?”

Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California