Should have used a condom

Mourner at funeral: Tut, one of the undertakers left his jacket on that gravestone.
Son of deceased man: We should check it for money… (whispering) Ghost money!


Dad: Do you want to get McDonald's?
Boy, screaming: No!
Dad: Do you want to get Burger King?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get ice cream?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get machine guns?
Boy: Yes.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: Lacy

Young girl in stall with mother: Mommy, what's that?
Mother to young girl: It's called pubic hair, sweetie…all women have it. When you get older, someday you will get some.
Young girl, mortified: Nooooooooooo!

Mall Restroom
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Monica

12-year-old son: Owww! My penis! My penis! She hit me in the penis!
Mom: Please stop yelling that! We’re in public!
12-year-old son: But that’s the scientific word for it, Mom.
Mom: I understand, but not everyone appreciates hearing that word in public.
12-year-old son: Okay. Owww! My jimmy! My jimmy! She hit me in my jimmy!

Pet aisle, Wal-Mart
North Carolina

Four-year-old girl being dragged away by mother: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

West Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Juanito

Overexcited boy in cafe: Mum, mum, mum! Can I play with my new toy? Can I? Can I? Can I?
Disinterested mum: Sure.
Overexcited boy, holding toy: Look! I'm holding my winkle. And I'm peeing. I'm peeing all over the drinks. There's wee everywhere!
Disinterested mum: No, there isn't.


Overheard by: Ben

Mom: Nathan, stop it! Stop it! Get ov– [Nicely] Come over here, Nathan…
Misbehaving boy: Nooo! I know you’re going to spank me!

Calgary, Alberta

Overheard by: Glad she’s not my mom

Eight-year-old kid in line for Universal Studios park ticket: I know how to get a discount ticket.
Eight-year-old friend: How?
Eight-year-old kid: You get your friend to come along with you, then you stab him in the neck and say “My friend’s dying, can we have discount tickets?”

Universal Studios
Los Angeles, California

Mom: Does Mommy look fat in this?
Toddler: Yes!
Mom: No! You’re supposed to say no!
Toddler: [Silence.]

Moreno Valley, California

Overheard by: Lisa

Five-year-old girl in dressing room: Mommy, do you put lotion on your boobies?

Victoria’s Secret
Oceanside, New York

Overheard by: Gette