Should have used a condom

Four-year-old: Mommy, that girl speaks English!
Mother: Yes, she does.
Four-year-old: But nobody here speaks English. Does she really speak English?
Mother: Of course she speaks English! She's white!

Overheard by: katie

Little girl: Mom, can I buy that doll house?
Mom: No, you don't have enough money.
Daughter: Can't I just use my college money?
Mom: No.
Daughter: But I don't want to go to college, I want the doll house! I don't want to go to college!

Toy Store

Four-year-old in shopping cart: Yadda, yadda, yadda, yadda! (repeated over and over)
Mom: Stop that! Stop saying that!
Four-year-old: (continues)
Mom: You don't even know what that means! Just because you don't know what something means doesn't mean you can just repeat it like that. (turns to man behind her in line) I don't know where he gets this stuff.
Four-year-old: I heard it from you, crazy!

Columbus, Ohio

Overheard by: Lindsay

Five-year-old girl, happily: … And then I did it! I peed right in my pants!
Mom: Honey, you shouldn’t be proud of something like that. You should be embarrassed.
Five-year-old girl, even happier: Oh, okay! I’m embarrassed!

Whole Foods
Hadley, Massachusetts

Overheard by: velvin

Little girl to mom bending over stroller: Fine, to make you happy I’ll dress up in my little baby clothes so you’ll pay attention to me.

Panera Bread
Lewisville, Texas

Eight-year-old girl: Asians are ruining everything.
Mother: What?
Eight-year-old girl: Yeah, the Japanese, the Chinese — they ruin everything.


Ten-year-old: Mom, what's “shagging”?
Mom: Um… It's like shedding. You know, like how the cat sheds hair on the couch?
Four-year-old: No, it's not. It's when two people have sex. Jeez!

Clarksville, Indiana

Mourner at funeral: Tut, one of the undertakers left his jacket on that gravestone.
Son of deceased man: We should check it for money… (whispering) Ghost money!


Dad: Do you want to get McDonald's?
Boy, screaming: No!
Dad: Do you want to get Burger King?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get ice cream?
Boy: No!
Dad: Do you want to get machine guns?
Boy: Yes.

Richmond, Virginia

Overheard by: Lacy

Young girl in stall with mother: Mommy, what's that?
Mother to young girl: It's called pubic hair, sweetie…all women have it. When you get older, someday you will get some.
Young girl, mortified: Nooooooooooo!

Mall Restroom
Washington, DC

Overheard by: Monica