Should have used a condom

Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you “my dear”?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you “my moose”?

Austin, Texas

Little boy at hand-drying machine: Dad, aren’t you going to smell my hands so you know they’re clean?
Dad: No, it’s okay. Let’s go.
Little boy, getting angry: Smell them. Smell them! Smell them!

Restroom, Scottsdale Fashion Square
Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: mine were clean

Old Jewish lady: … And what do you want to be when you grow up?
Six-year-old girl: A shampoo girl.
Four-year-old boy: A hooker!
Mother, smoking: I like it when they have low expectations about life.

São Paulo

Small child to father: You're a sad puppy that burps. You're a stinky puppy that's sad… and burps.

Overheard by: elizabeth

Eight-year-old boy: Don’t you know that the Kool-Aid Man doesn’t exist?! He’s just a tool for marketing!

Norristown, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Lan

Five-year-old girl to sister: Who would you rather kill — Mummy or Daddy?
Mother: I don’t want to hear you talking like that.

New Zealand

Overheard by: disturbed

Woman to five-year-old daughter in elevator: You're getting off at the wrong floor, sweetie. This is the wrong floor… The wrong floor… The wrong floor! God, do you ever listen to me?
Five-year-old daughter: I'm trying not to.

Mackinac Island, Michigan

Overheard by: laughing

Mother handing son bag of groceries: Here you go.
Son: Me?
Mother: Yes, you, silly.
Son, pouting: But I’m special.
Mother: No, you’re not.

Melbourne Beach, Florida

Overheard by: Ali

Heavy guy looking at atlas: What’s a ‘labia’?
Son: One of those Eastern European countries.

Barnes & Noble
Peoria, Illinois

3-year-old in parking lot: Mommy, I want MONEY!
Mother: Yes, honey. Me too.

Gilroy, California

Overheard by: just a cart pusher