Worker #1, to guy checking watch repeatedly: God! You’re such a spaz!
Worker #2: I’m a spaz? You’re the one who has to sort your rubber bands by color, size, and shape.
Worker #1: Shape? Rubber bands only come in one shape!
Worker #2: Well, you sort the broken and unbroken ones.
Worker #1: … Broken isn’t a shape.
Monsanto break room
Waterman, Illinois
Bimbette #1: Remember when you thought Mexico was just a state that you couldn’t go to?
Bimbette #2: Yeah. I didn’t know it was actually a different continent.
Oceanside, California
College girl: We should have asked for one of those male waitresses.
Katz’s restaurant
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: queenofsarab
Girlfriend: Oooh! Baby, we should get a dozen donuts!
Boyfriend: Okay. Do you wanna pick six, and I’ll pick six? [Girlfriend gives icy stare.] Fine, you pick all twelve. I don’t care.
Girlfriend: Twelve? I said I want a dozen.
Boyfriend: Um, honey, twelve is a dozen.
Girlfriend: I know what a dozen is, and it’s not fucking twelve! I’m not fucking stupid, you know!
Boyfriend: You’re, like 25 years old! How can you not know what a dozen is?
Girlfriend: I know what a fucking dozen is! [Looks around] What the fuck are all of you laughing at?!
King Soopers Dairy
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: We were right to point and laugh
Man: Man, I’d like to have been around when Jesus put all them dinosaurs here. I figure that woulda been pretty cool.
Friend: Yeah, that woulda been cool.
Canyonlands National Park
Moab, Utah
Overheard by: Iain
Employee #1: Do you know what the problem is with rice cakes?
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: There’s no meat in them.
Super Target
Virginia
Overheard by: Brian
Chick: Oklahoma and Ohio — I always get those two mixed up.
Dude: Yeah.
Chick: Wait, which one is in the middle of the country?
Dude: Uh, they both are, kind of.
Chick: Oh, well, which one is a state?
Dude: Both.
Chick: Yeah, that’s why I get them mixed up!
http://overheardatcornell.blogspot.com/2006/10/long-overdue-update-part-2.html
Overheard by: taranto
Woman pointing at cadaver: Oooh. I’d love one of those for home!
http://eavesdropdc.blogspot.com/2007/07/i-see-and-crave-dead-people.html
Teen: So, there is this shirt that says ‘Florida: Where America goes to die.’
Friend: I wouldn’t want to move to Florida when I get old — it’s too hot. Especially in August.
Teen: But that’s only one month out of 11.
New Jersey
Overheard by: Miss Fabulous
Obsessive girl: Who do you think would win between a pig and a bat? I think a bat would win!
http://www.overheardatmcgill.com/archives/2007/03/27/not-unless-its-a-louisville-slugger/
