Stoned guy: Don’t beat me up! I don’t want to be bruised tomorrow when my mom sees me naked!

Stoner: That’s like saying Jesus and Gandhi are the same. A Gandhi would be the cinnamon bun and Jesus would be the cinnabon.

100 Main Street
Cincinnati, Ohio

Stoner kid #1: I don’t eat anything that used to be alive. Well, except eggs. And hamburger, you know, because of the cows.
Stoner kid #2: And cake!
Stoner kid #1: Yeah, cake.

St. Louis, Missouri

Overheard by: The RQ

Really stoned girl: Oh god, my first relationship was horrible. It was just six weeks of me being scared of his genitals.


Overheard by: Boffins

Stoner chick on cell: Yeah, he’s just gonna want to get high and do stuff to my ass.

Scottsdale, Arizona

Overheard by: Jon

Stoner #1: Do you have telekinesis?
Stoner #2: No, but I got call-waiting and that three-way call thing.

Escondido, California

Overheard by: DLo

Girl: Don’t worry, I won’t be lonely tonight. I’ve got a date with a gravity bong.
Stoner guy: … That’s, like, the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.

Sacramento, California

Overheard by: MeganMama

Stoner #1: The other day I saw this homeless guy, and I felt bad, and I had just bought a stack, so I gave him some weed. He was like: “Thank you very much.”
Stoner #2: Are you serious?
Stoner #1: Yeah. I don’t care what anybody says, that was the most down shit ever. I fucking love bums.

Chino, California

Stoned frat boy: I have this aversion with talking to dentists… or really anyone who wants to help me with my general health.

SUNY Geneseo
New York

Overheard by: Jeni

Stoner #1: … And it burned the whole way down! Seriously, I think my throat hemorrhaged.
Stoner #2: Well at least you didn’t eat nine bowls of pudding.

Kansas State University, Manhattan

Overheard by: I wish I heard the beginning…