Stoner: Yo, that chick was kind of hot. She was starin’ at me.
Hipster: She wasn’t hot, and she was staring at you because you were in her way.
Stoner: I like it my way better.
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steveo
Stoner: Yo, that chick was kind of hot. She was starin’ at me.
Hipster: She wasn’t hot, and she was staring at you because you were in her way.
Stoner: I like it my way better.
Millersville University
Millersville, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Steveo
30-ish lady: What grade are you in?
Little girl: Third grade. I can do math problems.
30-ish lady: Okay, well, if you have three dogs, two cats and four fish, how many animals do you have, total?
Little girl: … Ummm, nine.
30-ish lady: Well, yeah, sort of… If you count fish as animals, but really they’re amphibians.
Movie theater
Colorado Springs, Colorado
Overheard by: ak
Guy: Hello, pot, this is the kettle! You’re black!
Girl: I am not black. What are you talking about?
Guy: It’s a metaphor. Do you know what a metaphor is?
Girl: Yes — it’s a giant flaming rock that comes out of the sky. You never make any sense.
Seattle, Washington
Bimbette #1: So, like, he was talking about how, like — I don’t remember what it’s called, but like, the girl knows her parents do stuff that, like, she can’t do, like sex, so she, like, hates her mom, because she wants her dad like that, and like, she wants to kill her mom, but she knows that if she does, then, like, her dad will be mad at her, so she doesn’t do it, so she tries to be like her mom, because, like, her dad likes her mom.
Bimbette #2: I don’t get it.
Ladies’ room, UC Merced
Merced, California
Worker #1, to guy checking watch repeatedly: God! You’re such a spaz!
Worker #2: I’m a spaz? You’re the one who has to sort your rubber bands by color, size, and shape.
Worker #1: Shape? Rubber bands only come in one shape!
Worker #2: Well, you sort the broken and unbroken ones.
Worker #1: … Broken isn’t a shape.
Monsanto break room
Waterman, Illinois
Bimbette #1: Remember when you thought Mexico was just a state that you couldn’t go to?
Bimbette #2: Yeah. I didn’t know it was actually a different continent.
Oceanside, California
College girl: We should have asked for one of those male waitresses.
Katz’s restaurant
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: queenofsarab
Girlfriend: Oooh! Baby, we should get a dozen donuts!
Boyfriend: Okay. Do you wanna pick six, and I’ll pick six? [Girlfriend gives icy stare.] Fine, you pick all twelve. I don’t care.
Girlfriend: Twelve? I said I want a dozen.
Boyfriend: Um, honey, twelve is a dozen.
Girlfriend: I know what a dozen is, and it’s not fucking twelve! I’m not fucking stupid, you know!
Boyfriend: You’re, like 25 years old! How can you not know what a dozen is?
Girlfriend: I know what a fucking dozen is! [Looks around] What the fuck are all of you laughing at?!
King Soopers Dairy
Denver, Colorado
Overheard by: We were right to point and laugh
Man: Man, I’d like to have been around when Jesus put all them dinosaurs here. I figure that woulda been pretty cool.
Friend: Yeah, that woulda been cool.
Canyonlands National Park
Moab, Utah
Overheard by: Iain
Employee #1: Do you know what the problem is with rice cakes?
Employee #2: What?
Employee #1: There’s no meat in them.
Super Target
Virginia
Overheard by: Brian
