Police helicopter hovering with spotlight on suspect, over loudspeaker: Stop running. You can’t get away. Just give yourself up. Stop running… No, don’t go in the water. You won’t make it across. No, don’t– Yeah, it’s fucking cold, isn’t it, dumbass? Just get out of the water!
American River Parkway
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Ree
Man #1: What’s that bruise on your forehead from?
Man #2: Watch out for someone in diapers carrying a mallet.
Man #1: I’ve found that to be sage advice in multiple situations…
Wausau, Wisconsin
Professor with heavy German accent: Have a good weekend, and don’t get broken by pleasure!
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Chick: Okay, so here’s the story — I don’t know what to do about my crackhead boyfriend. He’s, like, seriously on crack…
Friend: I really think you’re over-thinking everything…
Green line bus, University of Connecticut
Storrs, Connecticut
Skinny guy in tank top showing girl some crumpled mugshot: Have you seen this man before?
Girl on treadmill: Ummm, no?
Skinny guy: Well, he’s a rapist, and he’s at large. So if you see him, or if you get scared at night, just give me a call [hands her a phone number].
Gym
Cary, North Carolina
Mom to daughter: All I’m saying is, it would really help get rid of your fat and your pimples.
Mount Vernon
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: mm2105
Dude on cell: Okay, here’s what you do — invite everyone over, fill the sprinkler systems with paint, and then just see what happens!
Mimi’s Café
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: MF Orange Slice
Hippie chick on cell: … So then I realized that’s just how she is and I need to honor that.
Guy passerby: Just get it over with and call her a bitch already!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Girl #1: If I see one more blonde girl, I am going to freak out.
Girl #2: You know what you should do? Move to Africa.
Hartford, Connecticut
Girl to guy #1: I hate you. I hate you so much! I hate you more than… Flotsam hates Jetsam!
Guy #2: Shit, dude, I’d watch out.
Jacksonville, Florida
