Man #1: What’s that bruise on your forehead from?
Man #2: Watch out for someone in diapers carrying a mallet.
Man #1: I’ve found that to be sage advice in multiple situations…
Wausau, Wisconsin
Man #1: What’s that bruise on your forehead from?
Man #2: Watch out for someone in diapers carrying a mallet.
Man #1: I’ve found that to be sage advice in multiple situations…
Wausau, Wisconsin
Professor with heavy German accent: Have a good weekend, and don’t get broken by pleasure!
Boston University
Boston, Massachusetts
Chick: Okay, so here’s the story — I don’t know what to do about my crackhead boyfriend. He’s, like, seriously on crack…
Friend: I really think you’re over-thinking everything…
Green line bus, University of Connecticut
Storrs, Connecticut
Skinny guy in tank top showing girl some crumpled mugshot: Have you seen this man before?
Girl on treadmill: Ummm, no?
Skinny guy: Well, he’s a rapist, and he’s at large. So if you see him, or if you get scared at night, just give me a call [hands her a phone number].
Gym
Cary, North Carolina
Mom to daughter: All I’m saying is, it would really help get rid of your fat and your pimples.
Mount Vernon
Alexandria, Virginia
Overheard by: mm2105
Dude on cell: Okay, here’s what you do — invite everyone over, fill the sprinkler systems with paint, and then just see what happens!
Mimi’s Café
Melbourne, Florida
Overheard by: MF Orange Slice
Hippie chick on cell: … So then I realized that’s just how she is and I need to honor that.
Guy passerby: Just get it over with and call her a bitch already!
San Francisco, California
Overheard by: melissa
Girl #1: If I see one more blonde girl, I am going to freak out.
Girl #2: You know what you should do? Move to Africa.
Hartford, Connecticut
Girl to guy #1: I hate you. I hate you so much! I hate you more than… Flotsam hates Jetsam!
Guy #2: Shit, dude, I’d watch out.
Jacksonville, Florida
Girl: May I have a Long Island Iced Tea?
Bartender: Sure.
80-year-old lady sitting at bar: Giiirl, I hope you took yo’ birf control today!
Klondike Kate’s
Newark, Delaware
Overheard by: Cols
