Creepster: The penis hole showcases my spare tire rather well.


Burly dude: No, seriously, the thing about anal is it’s warmer, tighter, and you hardly ever get shit on your dick!

High school cafeteria
Lawrenceville, Georgia

Overheard by: we were scared for his tiny girlfriend

Customer to clerk: Maybe my idea of sex is sticking a drill in your head.

Visible Voice Books
Cleveland, Ohio

Overheard by: phoebe

Builder to another during break: Mate, I tell you — that fish was happy.


Creepster: … And that’s why all the women in Paris wanted to stroke my head.


Overheard by: Laura

Goth girl: So by working to benefit communism, they started to think that communism wasn't actually so bad!
Creepy guy: You know, some people say that young people aren't deep. You've proved them wrong. (leaves)
Fat friend: Good thing he didn't hear us talking about how Sims should be able to sell drugs.

Highlands Ranch, Colorado

Dude to older lady: What do you mean, you don’t know what a hooker is? [To security guard] Hey, tell my mother what a hooker is.

Columbus, Ohio

Creepy lurky guy at bar (walking up and smelling girl sitting at table): Sorry y'all. Just smells really good.
Friend of girl (giving guy a dirty look): That was awkward.
Creepy lurky guy: Well, maybe you shouldn't be here then.
Friend of girl: Well, maybe you shouldn't be trying to smell us.

Blue Martini
Las Vegas, Nevada

Overheard by: Ariola

Small Mexican man in hot dog suit: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me.
20-ish chick waiting to cross street: No, thank you.
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me!
20-ish chick: No, really — thank you, but I’ll pass. [Muttering] God, will this light ever change?!
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me!

Wrigley Field
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Cubs Fan

Man at airport: I’m gonna go hug that kid. Maybe then his mom will start keeping an eye on him.

Overheard by: tim