Crunchy hippie: We were on the way to the bee colony to harvest some honey, but then I thought, Dude! It’s time for a drum circle.

House of Musical Traditions
Takoma Park, Maryland

White dreadlocked hippie: … And I was totally like, [punches fist into air] ‘Thank you, Grandfather Salmon! That was awesome!’

St. Lawrence Market
Toronto, Ontario

Hippie guy: Did you know he built a whole, like, bum encampment out of logs? Two houses, a refrigerator… Well, there was no electricity but he had a refrigerator out there… He even had a guest bed. And it was all clean, with a bible laying on the bed… He took being a bum to a whole new level.

Humboldt State University
Arcata, California

Overheard by: Jenn

Working-class hippie: Oh, I have another porn story!
Foreign hippie: The one about your mom?
Working-class hippie: No, no, this one's about Matt*–my surrogate father.

Amherst, Massachusetts

Hippie wannabe: Mmm, this tastes so much better than a non-solar-powered smoothie.

Dickinson College Earthfest
Carlisle, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Future Unemployed

Granola guy: Yeah man, Ron Paul is awesome! He, like, votes no on everything.

Bonnaroo Festival
Manchester, Tennessee

Hippie chick: I am the proud owner of an American vagina, thank you very much.

Western Washington University
Bellingham, Washington

Overheard by: Rachel

Hippie, addressing group: If you can get you guitar to play music at the same frequency as telepathy, you'll make millions!

Portland, Oregon

20-something hippie blonde: What can I say? I love humping people!

Tenley Town
Washington, DC

Hippie teenage girl: He's such a screaming campy queer, I thought he was gay–but he's not! At least, he doesn't seem gay when he's fucking you. He does all the rest of the time, though.

Hither Green

Overheard by: Jess