Student: Yeah… I don’t really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
Student: Yeah… I don’t really take advice from a kid wearing a winter hat indoors, drinking white grape juice out of a measuring cup.
SUNY Cortland
Cortland, New York
Female voice over speakerphone: Maybe you shouldn’t listen to me. I just reached into my glass of milk to retrieve a cookie that I accidentally dropped to the bottom during dunking. Now I am covered in milk. I’ve got milk hands!
Fraternity guy: I thought you were trying to make your own metaphor, like “I don’t see the glass as half empty or half full, I see my hand in it retrieving cookies.”
Providence, Rhode Island
Overheard by: Wants No Part Of This
Queer #1: You said: “Oooh, girl, you can’t build a pyramid on top of a pyramid.”
Queer #2: Did I say: “Oooh, girl”?! I did not say “Oooh, girl”!
Memphis, Tennessee
Overheard by: The Faghag
Girl in stall: I have paper stuck in my vagina.
Friend: You might not want to say that, there’s people here.
Girl in stall: Why is vagina a bad word?
Ladies Room, Foreplay Bar
Portland, Maine
Overheard by: How did it get there?
Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.
St. Andrew’s College
Aurora
Canadia
Grungy dude, pointing to expensive vacuum: You should get this one. It sucks up everything!
Girlfriend: Yeah, but I don’t have much carpet. I need, like, a Broom Vac or something.
Grungy dude: A Broom Vac?! Put down the crack pipe!
Target
Baltimore, Maryland
Black student to white teacher: So we’re going to Sarasota to visit a college up there. Do you know the easiest way to get there?
White teacher: Sure! You can take I-75 straight up, and if you want to stop for something to eat, there’s Cracker Barrel all over the place.
Black student: Cracker Barrel? Umm, no, I don’t think so…
Design and Architecture High School
Miami, Florida
Professor: Never spend the night with a Croatian! Those guys are fucked up.
Hartford, Connecticut
Overheard by: Claire
Freshman girl: Never snort salt.
Other freshman girl: I know, right! It burns so bad!
Bethesda, Maryland
Overheard by: Shelby
