Quartet member #1: … And now for some delicious candy from my stalker!
Quartet member #2: I love her! She’s so sweet!
Musicians’ lounge, Kohl Mansion
California
Quartet member #1: … And now for some delicious candy from my stalker!
Quartet member #2: I love her! She’s so sweet!
Musicians’ lounge, Kohl Mansion
California
Man #1: Do you have scissors?
Man #2: I have sunshine… On a cloudy day.
Man #1: [Stunned.]
Restroom, Comic Con
San Diego, California
Old lady #1: There’s this neighborhood in Chicago that is absolutely infested with serial killers. Their solution to this was to build a Wal-Mart to bring rich, white people in.
Old lady #2: Did it help?
Old lady #1: No. One of the serial killer victims that was left for dead gave a description for a drawing, and nobody has seen him.
Old lady #2: Maybe he’s locked up during the day. Maybe he’s retarded and lives in a home and sneaks out only at night when no one will notice him.
Oakland, California
Overheard by: Perplexed Cal student
Five-year-old boy holding red dress: Mommy! Mommy, look! I stealed this for you!
Macy’s
Stanford, California
Crew member: Sir, you can’t stand here.
Old man, blocking walkway: [Ignores him.]Crew member: Sir! This is a walkway.
Old man: This is foolishness!
Passerby: Why don’t you just die, already?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: uncomfortably waiting for the damn fireworks
Queer to another: Wait — you traded Botox for coke?!
Universal CityWalk
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Gluey
Girl #1: I wish I was sick and he would come visit me… Like Make-a-Wish.
Girl #2: You’re saying you want cancer so Heath Ledger will come visit you?
Girl #1: No! … Kinda…
Laguna Hills, California
Overheard by: me too
Dude #1: … And she was just so sassy!
Dude #2: Don’t say ‘sassy’ — you know what it does to me.
Dude #1: Sssassyyy. [Dude #2 shudders orgasmically.]
Merrill F. West High School
Tracy, California
Police helicopter hovering with spotlight on suspect, over loudspeaker: Stop running. You can’t get away. Just give yourself up. Stop running… No, don’t go in the water. You won’t make it across. No, don’t– Yeah, it’s fucking cold, isn’t it, dumbass? Just get out of the water!
American River Parkway
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Ree
[Teacher rises from desk and moves to white board while carrying sheet of paper.]
Student: What are you doing? [Teacher begins writing on white board.] What are you doing?!
Teacher: I’m writing down your homework!
Student: Oh, I thought you were going to hurt us.
Teacher: I’m just holding a piece of paper!
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Giggling student
