Crew member: Sir, you can’t stand here.
Old man, blocking walkway: [Ignores him.]Crew member: Sir! This is a walkway.
Old man: This is foolishness!
Passerby: Why don’t you just die, already?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: uncomfortably waiting for the damn fireworks
Queer to another: Wait — you traded Botox for coke?!
Universal CityWalk
Hollywood, California
Overheard by: Gluey
Girl #1: I wish I was sick and he would come visit me… Like Make-a-Wish.
Girl #2: You’re saying you want cancer so Heath Ledger will come visit you?
Girl #1: No! … Kinda…
Laguna Hills, California
Overheard by: me too
Dude #1: … And she was just so sassy!
Dude #2: Don’t say ‘sassy’ — you know what it does to me.
Dude #1: Sssassyyy. [Dude #2 shudders orgasmically.]
Merrill F. West High School
Tracy, California
Police helicopter hovering with spotlight on suspect, over loudspeaker: Stop running. You can’t get away. Just give yourself up. Stop running… No, don’t go in the water. You won’t make it across. No, don’t– Yeah, it’s fucking cold, isn’t it, dumbass? Just get out of the water!
American River Parkway
Sacramento, California
Overheard by: Ree
[Teacher rises from desk and moves to white board while carrying sheet of paper.]
Student: What are you doing? [Teacher begins writing on white board.] What are you doing?!
Teacher: I’m writing down your homework!
Student: Oh, I thought you were going to hurt us.
Teacher: I’m just holding a piece of paper!
Arcadia, California
Overheard by: Giggling student
Young boy to mom: I can’t run! I’m a virgin!
Irvine, California
Five-year-old girl running through aisles: Mommy?! Mommy?!
Mother: Mommy die. Mommy go bye-bye. Mommy drowned. Mommy go kill herself.
Payless Shoes
Huntington Beach, California
Girl #1: It would just never occur to me to get a massage to relax or de-stress, you know?
Girl #2 absentmindedly: That’s because you’re an alcoholic.
Seven Grand Whiskey Bar
Los Angeles, California
Dude drawing names and heart in wet cement: Done.
Girl: Oh my god, that’s awesome. I’m gonna take a picture with my phone so it can be the image that comes up when you call. Right now it’s your dick in a box.
Dude: Yeah, this is– Wait, you have a picture of my dick in a box?
Girl: Yeah. Remember?
Dude: Oh, yeah, that’s right…
UC Berkeley
Berkeley, California
Overheard by: nathan
