Queers

Queer: So, that pretty much sums it up.
Fag hag: Wow.
Queer: It’s actually pretty usual for gays, I’m just not into it.
Fag hag: Wow. I am so scared of gay men right now.
Queer: Sweetie, it’s not like a hamster wearing galoshes is [bus goes by so rest is inaudible].
Fag hag: Like summer camp.

Bus stop
Gainesville, Florida

Fashionista: Why are you so late?
Queer in hat: I ran out of money and had to give the cabbie a blowjob to pay the fare.
Fashionista: Oh my god! Really?!
Queer in hat: No. I had a hair emergency… But wasn’t that a much better answer?

Ellus fashion show line
São Paulo
Brazil

Gay goth kid: Diana Ross, what are you doing in my mouth?

Dunkin Donuts
Worcester, Massachusetts

Overheard by: hootinanny

Queer: … And I was like, ‘Honey, it’s not like I have a subscription to Town and Country to look at the dresses!’

Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: widget

Queer #1: Ugh. All I know is that pussy smells like ass. I tried once in high school, and I was all, ‘Oooh, that smells like ass!’ and so I tried one more time, and it still smelled like ass.
Queer #2: Well, we know one thing for sure — your ass must smell like pussy.

Cleo’s, Chicago Avenue
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: EEE

Gay son: I need a sugar daddy.
Mother: You and me both.
Gay son: But I have a booty.
Mother, after long pause, and looking out the window: I have weeds where I once had grass…

Murrieta, California

Overheard by: I hope I don't become my mother

Young gay man: Whereas, lacking the virtue of shoes, men must content themselves with being jerks.
Female friend: A poor consolation, and unfashionable.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Bethany

Queer #1: I can adjust to change, I think.
Queer #2: Yeah, but can your sphincter?

Leon High School
Tallahassee, Florida

Overheard by: Deathly Confused

Smokin' hot gay guy on phone: I bought the table under the impression that it was fuck-proof. My husband challenged me last night to prove otherwise. Now my table has been fucked through and Mark* isn't talking to me right now. (pause) Yeah, it does sound like a funny problem to have, but it's really not.

Manhattan, New York

Overheard by: The Sauce

Gay husband to his husband: It's these Mexican circumstances. Everyone knows when you pass go, you collect $200.

Fairfax, Virginia