Queers

Queer #1: You said: “Oooh, girl, you can’t build a pyramid on top of a pyramid.”
Queer #2: Did I say: “Oooh, girl”?! I did not say “Oooh, girl”!

Memphis, Tennessee

Overheard by: The Faghag

Spaced-out kid: And I think it was some kind of message in that out-of-body experience. Like, it was my soul trying to tell me that after I finished puking, I should take a shower.
Teenage queer: Your dreams are fucked.

St. Andrew’s College
Aurora
Canadia

Emo guy to friends: He loves me. He wants my children. He says to me: “Andrew, let me have sex with you so I can have your children.” I would do it if I didn’t have hairy nipples.

Library
Plano, Texas

30-something guy to friend: Yeah, but you teabagging me does not mean you’re concerned about my safety!

Durham, North Carolina

Overheard by: good thing i’d already finished my taco

Fruit fly: Does he like me?! I think he might, but if he doesn’t… He has to know that I like him! Or am I being too obvious?
Queer friend: Ugh! Heterosexual relationships make me queasy!

Montreal
Canadia

Girl: So, my boyfriend couldn’t take off my bra. I told him I’d wear the front-clasp one next time. He was like, ‘I don’t want your pity bra!’ Wanna try?
Queer pal, trying to remove bra: Oh my god! This is not a pity bra! This is the meanest bra in the whole world!

Montreal
Canadia

Queer to another: Wait — you traded Botox for coke?!

Universal CityWalk
Hollywood, California

Overheard by: Gluey

Queer: I just got into an argument with that guy because I’m wearing a Red Socks hat. Little does he know that I fuck men — I don’t give a shit about baseball. Ha.

Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Drunk queer: I can pick up a shot glass with my ass!

Outside Grand Central
Baltimore, Maryland

Overheard by: widget

Queer: Oh my god, that girl’s dress is so short. I swear her outer labia were hanging out.

Sunset Grill and Tap
Boston, Massachusetts