Sometimes I Add Light Slapping.

Man: Hey, asshole, get off the cellphone.
Dude: Excuse me…?
Man: The street car is a public space. Get off the cellphone or get off the street car!
Dude: No.
Man: Yes! I don’t want to have to hear you yapping away–
Dude: –Why don’t you get off, then, buddy?
Man: This is a public space! Stop polluting the space with your hot air!
Dude: No.
Man: Yes.
Dude: No! [Into cell] Oh, nothing, Bruce. Just some loser on the street car…
Man: Hey!
Dude: Yeah?
Man: You’re fat and ugly, you know that?
Dude, leaving: Screw you!
Man, to entire street car: I do this every Sunday…

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: damn hiatus

Posted on October 7, 2025
Assholes, Canadia, Cell phones, Gripes, Strangers

And Following Them to Their Logical Conclusion

Discouraged guy to pal: I can’t stop having erections!

St-Jean Street
Old Quebec City
Canadia

Overheard by: My mom u-turned on the sidewalk and started running after him!

Posted on October 4, 2025
Canadia, Erections, Guys

Plus, You Get to Have Boobs

Asian girl: Well, I don’t know what it’s like being white.
White girl: You feel guilty all the time.
White guy: Yeah, for things you never did.
Asian girl: Awesome!

Centennial College
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Meech

Posted on October 2, 2025
Asians, Canadia, Race, Whiteys

Since You Kept Leaving Lemons with Knives in Them on My Bed

Roommate #1, awkwardly: Hey, do you think we could talk about, um, what happened on Friday?
Roommate #2: Oh?
Roommate #1: We were in here, and you were saying that my board hasn’t done anything yet and we’re misusing student funds by going on a board retreat. Remember that?
Roommate #2: Oh.
Roommate: Well, then I got up and went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of lemon and honey tea…
Roommate #2: Okay…
Roommate #1: Well, I used Angie’s* lemon juice right in front of you, and I think you saw me, and I was wondering if that offended you.
Roommate #2: No, I didn’t even notice.
Roommate #1: Oh, okay… Good… Because it’s been on my mind all weekend, and I just wanted to clear that up because it seemed like you were mad at me after that.

Canadia

Posted on September 26, 2025
Canadia, Chicks, Gossip

But Let’s See You Assemble It

Three-year-old girl to dad: I spy with my little eye… somethiiing… IKEA!

Queen Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Posted on September 19, 2025
Canadia, Kids, Words

You’re the Worst Tour Guide Ever

Dude #1: Do you trim your pubes?
Dude #2: Um, what? No… Why?
Dude #1: I do…
Dude #2: Okay…
Dude #1: And I think I trimmed them too much…
Dude #2: And?
Dude #1: Well, now my dick is itchy…

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: damn hiatus