Canadia

Roommate #1, awkwardly: Hey, do you think we could talk about, um, what happened on Friday?
Roommate #2: Oh?
Roommate #1: We were in here, and you were saying that my board hasn’t done anything yet and we’re misusing student funds by going on a board retreat. Remember that?
Roommate #2: Oh.
Roommate: Well, then I got up and went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of lemon and honey tea…
Roommate #2: Okay…
Roommate #1: Well, I used Angie’s* lemon juice right in front of you, and I think you saw me, and I was wondering if that offended you.
Roommate #2: No, I didn’t even notice.
Roommate #1: Oh, okay… Good… Because it’s been on my mind all weekend, and I just wanted to clear that up because it seemed like you were mad at me after that.

Canadia

Three-year-old girl to dad: I spy with my little eye… somethiiing… IKEA!

Queen Street
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Dude #1: Do you trim your pubes?
Dude #2: Um, what? No… Why?
Dude #1: I do…
Dude #2: Okay…
Dude #1: And I think I trimmed them too much…
Dude #2: And?
Dude #1: Well, now my dick is itchy…

Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: damn hiatus

High school kid: … And then he started eating a ten dollar bill, so I beat him with a pool cue ’til he dropped it.

Alberta
Canadia

Dude: Is putting my hand on my balls a sport? Could be.

Subway
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: Shaniqua

Dude: So, this Oh-di-pus guy killed his dad and married his mom.
Girl: Gross… So, did they do it?
Dude: Oh, yeah.
Girl: Cool.

University of Saskatchewan
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Canadia

Overheard by: headshakingprof

Chick on cell: Haha, she thought it was a baby in the womb, but then I told her it was just sushi!

Toronto Eaton Centre
Toronto, Ontario
Canadia

Girl: So, my boyfriend couldn’t take off my bra. I told him I’d wear the front-clasp one next time. He was like, ‘I don’t want your pity bra!’ Wanna try?
Queer pal, trying to remove bra: Oh my god! This is not a pity bra! This is the meanest bra in the whole world!

Montreal
Canadia

Drunk guy to drunk girl: … But I haven’t even slept with you yet!

Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia

Overheard by: amused passerby

Little girl in bathroom: But Mommy, I’m working on a really big poop!
Embarrassed mother: Honey, everyone in the bathroom does not need to hear that!

Boston Pizza, 50th Street
Edmonton, Alberta
Canadia