Girl on phone: Yeah, he couldn’t get it up, so we just watched Schindler’s List instead.

Guy: My life is one giant erection.

Attleboro, Massachusetts

Law student: So, listen. He went to get a manicure the other day and I was like, you know, “how was it?” He was like, “oh, it was good and all, but she was rubbing my arm and I kinda started getting turned on.” And I was like, “what?” He said “yeah, and it was kinda weird because she was this 50-year-old Asian woman.”

Mississippi College School of Law

8th grade health teacher, answering why you can't put a condom on when you're not erect: So…um, when it's not hard, it's just like there, you know, flapping in the wind…

Silver Spring, Maryland

Overheard by: nice thought…

Male roommate to another: Don't jump on me. I have a boner.

Saint Peter's College
New Jersey

Guy to friend: What you should've said was, “Ya know, I don't laugh at you when you can't get your dick hard!”

Decatur, Georgia

Guy to hot date: I have a hard-on. We should get this to go.

Buffalo Grill
Little Rock, Arkansas

Overheard by: I should get mine to go, too

Older woman, watching Viagra tv commercial: Why don't they ever show the guy from the waist down with a big ol' boner?

Atlanta, Georgia

20-something guy: Dude, I have been waiting four to five years for this boner.

Medford, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Neme

Girlfriend to boyfriend who is trying hard not to look at a hot girl dancing sexily: Don't worry baby, I'm getting the erection for you.

Manhattan, New York