Getting off

Dude #1: I pulled a muscle.
Dude #2, after short pause: How?
Dude #1: Have you ever tried to fuck yourself? It’s really hard! I did and pulled a muscle.

Hampden Academy

Overheard by: Last final

Man on cell: So, are we seeing a chick flick tonight? … Am I gonna get any play afterwards? … Sweet, I’ll see you later.

Small Mexican man in hot dog suit: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me.
20-ish chick waiting to cross street: No, thank you.
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me!
20-ish chick: No, really — thank you, but I’ll pass. [Muttering] God, will this light ever change?!
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me!

Wrigley Field
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Cubs Fan

Guy cuddling his girlfriend: I’m lactating, lactating, lactating!

Overheard by: quoi?

Physical education teacher, demonstrating the overhead smash in badminton: So I'm gonna find myself in a bad position and Sean is just gonna unload on me.

Monson, Massachusetts

Overheard by: Sarah

20-something girl #1: I can so control when he gets off now.
20-something girl #2: How?
20-something girl #1: I just bend over and tell him that my ass is jealous.
20-something girl #2: Oh my god!

Sushi Bar
Tempe, Arizona

Girl #1: And like, he gets me so drunk that when I get off I barf!
Girl #2: Wow!


Overheard by: Chiz

Dude #1: Dude, did you see Rachel in class today? Smokin’!
Dude #2: Yeah… I’m totally going to wack off to her spring break pics on Facebook tonight.
Dude #1: She put up spring break pics? Me too, then…

James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia

Overheard by: OdinUSMC

Creepster #1: You know what’s really hot?
Creepster #2: What?
Creepster #1: Sniffing a sexy chick’s underwear.
Creepster #2: Yeah, man.
Creepster #1: So you do it, too? I do it after sex when she leaves the room.
Creepster #2: Yeah, me, too… But usually it’s my mom’s underwear, so my girlfriend doesn’t get weirded out.

TA: I fucked that little guy from my class again. But I left a drawer in my desk open. He found a Sudafed and I came.

Cambridge, Massachusetts