Hot chick: Trust me, I would know. I’m a retired slut.


Overheard by: oh really?

Butcher in bloodstained apron: My soul is pure and untainted.

Portland, Maine

Dude #1: I pulled a muscle.
Dude #2, after short pause: How?
Dude #1: Have you ever tried to fuck yourself? It’s really hard! I did and pulled a muscle.

Hampden Academy

Overheard by: Last final

Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court!
Six-year-old #2: No I'm not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court now!
Six-year-old #2: (begins to cry)

Small Town

Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal

Woman to girl: What exactly is a zombie? My son wants to know. Is it like a ghost?
Girl: A zombie is the living dead. A ghost is just a spirit, while a zombie is the dead body.
Woman: Like Michael Jackson?
Girl: Yes, like Michael Jackson.

Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

Chick #1: About 20 minutes is good enough.
Chick #2: But what about the pleasure part?

Colby College, Maine

Overheard by: they stopped talking when they saw me listening

20-something hipster to friend: So…I'm officially out of corpses.
Friend: Dude!

Portland, Maine

Little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Emma just kissed the shopping cart!
Father: She’ll kiss worse things in her life.

Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

Customer: I'll have a large hot chocolate, a chocolate glazed donut, and a plain bagel with smoked salmon cream cheese on the side.
Drive-thru grunt: What did you say for the cream cheese on the side?
Customer: Smoked salmon.
Drive-thru grunt: Oh, we don't have that kind.
Customer: What kinds of cream cheese do you have?
Drive-thru grunt: We have chive. Chive is like smoked salmon.
Customer: Uh…yeah.

Bangor, Maine

Overheard by: just wanted a coffee

Loud woman to friend: So I said to her, “I gotta go. Linda's avocado is ripe and you know what that means.”

Portland, Maine

Overheard by: Taffy Doublewide