Maine

Nurse: Wow! That’s quite some rash you have there.
Patient: Yeah, I feel like a used condom.

Portland, Maine

Overheard by: devulgari

Teacher explaining colonization: It all started with rubbers!

Maine

Overheard by: vampire hunter

Hot chick: Trust me, I would know. I’m a retired slut.

Maine

Overheard by: oh really?

Butcher in bloodstained apron: My soul is pure and untainted.

Supermarket
Portland, Maine

Dude #1: I pulled a muscle.
Dude #2, after short pause: How?
Dude #1: Have you ever tried to fuck yourself? It’s really hard! I did and pulled a muscle.

Hampden Academy
Maine

Overheard by: Last final

Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court!
Six-year-old #2: No I'm not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court now!
Six-year-old #2: (begins to cry)

Small Town
Maine

Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal

Woman to girl: What exactly is a zombie? My son wants to know. Is it like a ghost?
Girl: A zombie is the living dead. A ghost is just a spirit, while a zombie is the dead body.
Woman: Like Michael Jackson?
Girl: Yes, like Michael Jackson.

Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade

Chick #1: About 20 minutes is good enough.
Chick #2: But what about the pleasure part?

Colby College, Maine

Overheard by: they stopped talking when they saw me listening

20-something hipster to friend: So…I'm officially out of corpses.
Friend: Dude!

Portland, Maine

Little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Emma just kissed the shopping cart!
Father: She’ll kiss worse things in her life.

Hannaford
Yarmouth, Maine

Overheard by: Jade