Kid to mom in car with windows up: Mom! I peed outside today! Mom! Did you hear what I said? I peed outside today! [Mom doesn’t respond.] Mom! Mom! I peed outside today! I peed outside today!
Mom, opening the door: Shut up and get in the car.
Kindercare, 196th Street
Lynnwood, Washington
Overheard by: snickerpants
Toddler: Mommy, I want my boogers back!
Bus
Ottawa, Ontario
Canadia
Woman: It’s like paradise!
Small child, excitedly: A paradise where you get killed!
Woman, happily: I’ll kill you!
http://www.overheardinminneapolis.com/2007/04/yeah_thats_so_cute.html
Overheard by: ethan I make whittier prettier park
Five-year-old boy: Mommy, I’m gonna scrape your eye out. I take your eyeball right out! Scrape, scrape, scrape! Take, take, take! I got your eyeball, hahaha!
Seattle, Washington
Son: Dad, how do people have sex with dogs?
Father, philosophical: Same reason people have sex with sheep… Or horses.
Son: Well, how do dogs get pregnant, then?
Father, quickly: Humans can’t get dogs pregnant.
Son: But how do the dogs get pregnant from having sex in the ass?
Father, worried: Nobody can get pregnant from anal sex!
Son: Yeah! Doggy-style!
Father, nervous: Bitches get done in the vagina, which you can do from the back. Believe me, it’s back there if you look for it. Dogs never do anal sex — only people do that.
Son: Hmmm…
Bay area, California
Overheard by: I don’t wanna look that hard
Encouraging seven-year-old girl to another: You can always use weapons.
Elementary school playground
Mount Vernon, New York
Eight-year-old boy to self while looking at China teapots: I just love the stuff in here. It’s so breakable — that’s what’s great about it. That, and it’s shiny.
500 Shawnee Street
Leavenworth, Kansas
Overheard by: Rachel
Teen daughter screaming hysterically: Daddy, if you loved me you would have gotten me business class!
Ruffled dad: Are you fuckin’ kidding me?
Logan International Terminal
Boston, Massachusetts
Overheard by: feeling conflicted in steerage
Dad sitting on a bench, holding misbehaving son: Well, I guess we are going to have to go then. I was really hoping we could enjoy it here…
Son, at the top of his lungs: Whhhhyyyy are you doing this to me!?
Disneyland
Anaheim, California
Overheard by: Mouse Goer
Son, in dog food aisle: Why don't we buy this one?
Mom: Because he won't eat it.
Son: But it's cheaper!
Mom: And therefore not good for him.
Son: I don't see what the problem is, he'll be dead soon.
Tesco Supermarket
England
