Six‐year‐old #1: I’m taking you to court!
Six‐year‐old #2: No you’re not!
Six‐year‐old #1: I’m taking you to court!
Six‐year‐old #2: No you’re not!
Six‐year‐old #1: You’re in court!
Six‐year‐old #2: No I’m not!
Six‐year‐old #1: You’re in court now!
Six‐year‐old #2: (begins to cry)

Small Town

Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal

English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.

Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne

Mom to little girl touching display: Honey, don’t do that! [Kid keeps doing it.] I said don’t do that! Do you want to go to Hell?
Little girl, scared: No.
Mom: Then don’t touch that.

Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: the girl behind the register

Wife: This is the last chance. I’m really going to file for divorce unless you’re willing to work at this.
Husband: I deserve someone that I won’t cheat on.

Omaha, Nebraska

Male professor, in a very girly voice: Aaaahhh! I’m being trampled by sea horses.

Amherst, Massachusetts

Guy at ID counter: I’m sorry. Don’t shoot the messenger.
Old lady: I’d rather shoot the police…

Overheard by: tom

We Thought Only Americans Knew This Little About Sex Ed.

[Line for ladies’ room]Girl #1: Hi, do you mind if I cut in front of you? It’s urgent.
Girl #2: Sure.
Girl #1: Thanks, I have to change my tampon.
Girl #2: [Blank stare.]Girl #1: I have to make sure I change it often. Not too often, because once I changed it too much and got chlamydia.
Girl #2: Oh…[Suppresses laugh.] 

Western Australia

Belligerent hobo: Hey, you! Get back here! Open up that bathroom door! Get back here, or I’ll pull out my 401(k) on you!

418 East 34th Street
Indianapolis, Indiana

Philosophy professor, proving his argument: Therefore, if I don’t get a little crazy, then I’m never gonna survive.

Michigan State University

Overheard by: sjshock

Guy, aggressively: I’ll sparkle you!

The Eiffel Tower

Overheard by: Emily