Threats

Frustrated mom: For the love of God, stop crying! If you don’t stop, I’m going to shove you back in my uterus, close my legs, and never let you out!
Crying little boy: No! I don’t like it in there!

San Francisco, California

Disgruntled mother: If I catch you biting your nails again, I am going to cut off your hair in your sleep.

Gloucester Road
London
England

Overheard by: Never want to have children

Oxford boy #1: I’m going to stab you in the heart.
Oxford boy #2: Last night you stayed at my house and now you want to stab me in the heart?!

London-bound train
United Kingdom

Overheard by: snickering american sisters

Meathead to swooning girls: I’m just gonna eat your ovaries! Raaawwwrrr!

Commonwealth Avenue bus, Boston College
Newton, Massachusetts

Boyfriend: You know what happens when you get between me and something I want, right?
Girlfriend, on his lap: I go in the hole?
Boyfriend, puzzled: No… I… I move you out of the way…

Westfield State College
Westfield, Massachusetts

Overheard by: It was a brownie he wanted

Macho dude in Student Government Association: I'll smite you with my boobs!

Cafeteria
Tunxis Community College, Connecticut

Overheard by: Girl in Black

New male employee: You shouldn’t open the lettuce like that.
Old female employee: Don’t tell me how to do my fucking job!
Manager, yelling from across store: Watch out! She’ll cut you!

Jimmy John’s
Charleston, Illinois

Overheard by: I just want my sandwich

Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: I'm taking you to court!
Six-year-old #2: No you're not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court!
Six-year-old #2: No I'm not!
Six-year-old #1: You're in court now!
Six-year-old #2: (begins to cry)

Small Town
Maine

Overheard by: Willem Rosenthal

English professor: Outer space is occupied by evil orientals.

Marymount University
Arlington, Virginia

Overheard by: Sarah Yvonne

Mom to little girl touching display: Honey, don’t do that! [Kid keeps doing it.] I said don’t do that! Do you want to go to Hell?
Little girl, scared: No.
Mom: Then don’t touch that.

Lansing, Michigan

Overheard by: the girl behind the register