Man: You spunt all our money!
Woman: Fuck you! You spunt the money — that’s who spunt the money!

Wichita, Kansas

Man on cell: Maybe if I painted it white and drew a filter on it, she’d let me put it in her mouth.

Leavenworth, Kansas

Overheard by: Mark Smith

Little girl, about sleeping baby sister: Him is sleeping? Him is sleeping?!
Mom, exasperated: No! Her is sleeping!


Small child entering restroom: Mom, why can’t we go to the boys’ room? Because I’ve got a girl with me?
Mom: You are a girl!

Sushi Restaurant
Kansas City, Kansas

Overheard by: zombie z

Art professor: Say goodbye to sex and violence and hello to boring allegories.

Manhattan, Kansas

Girl: I just started a new birth control this week.
Dad: Which one were you on before?
Girl: Ummm… Levitra.

Overland Park, Kansas

Tween girl on side of parade route, to old man on John Deere in parade: I think your tractor’s sexy.

Stilwell, Kansas

Overheard by: sarah

Spoiled nine‐year‐old: People only love me for my stuff.

Day Care
Wichita, Kansas

Overheard by: amused

Drunk watching a pool game: You’re a retard!
Girl playing pool: I’m a retard? I’m not the one with chalk on my nipples!


(group bows heads and man begins to pray)
Girl (just realizing prayer has started): Oh! Holy shit! We’re praying?!

Shawnee Mission Park
Shawnee, Kansas