Plain Jane: Finish eating, so we can go outside!
Goth girl: Quit bossing me around! I just got out of line five minutes ago; it's not my fault that it's 12:45 and I've only eaten half of my lunch!
Popular boy to goth girl: I don't think I've ever heard you speak before.

School Cafeteria
El Paso, Texas

Girl #1: What's an orgasm?
Girl #2: It's like when two people get excited during sex.
Girl #1: So, like, when they go “rawwwrr!”
Girl #2: Uh…yeah. Sure.

School Cafeteria
El Paso, Texas

Goth girl: My vagina’s sweating.
Goth boy: They really do that? I thought it was a myth. Man, I’m glad I don’t have one of those.

Congress Avenue and Barton Springs Road
Austin, Texas

Man #1: I know this is stupid, but are buffalo extinct?
Man #2: No, they used to be.

Austin, Texas

20-something guy #1, carrying case of beer and bag of onions: You know when your aura gets all out of whack?
20-something guy #2, carrying same: Yeah, you just gotta get it back on track!

Austin, Texas

Overheard by: wondering if beer and onions will be part of the ritual to restore his aura

Eight-year-old: I believe the fanny dance is in order here.
Amused passerby: Awww, what is the fanny dance?
Eight-year-old: Wouldn’t you like to know.

Dallas, Texas

Since Apparently Assholism No Longer Qualifies

Guy to another: I don't know what to tell you… If she won't break up with you because you invited her to have a threesome, then tell her that you have some disability… (mumbles) …like, what's that form of autism called? “Asperger syndrome”?

Austin, Texas

Big-haired mother to friends: I like what Sarah Palin did with her kids' names. I mean, I want to give my kids names that are cool, but nothing that would, you know, prevent them from being business majors.

San Antonio, Texas

Overheard by: An East Coast Elitist

Preppy teenage girl #1, before Sex and the City movie: Oh! I heard that Jennifer Hewitt is in this movie!
Preppy teenage girl #2: No, it's Jennifer Hudson.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Whats the difference?
Preppy teenage girl #2: Jennifer Hewitt is the white actress who made a CD and can't sing and was in the Garfield movie. Jennifer Hudson is the black girl from American Idol who won an Oscar for that movie with Beyonce.
Preppy teenage girl #1: Are either one of them singing in this movie?
Preppy teenage girl #2: I don't know.
(long pause)
Preppy teenage girl #3: Speaking of black people, I got in trouble for being racist at work today.

Plano, Texas

Mother to three-year-old son: Can I call you “my dear”?
Three-year-old son: Can I call you “my moose”?

Austin, Texas