Texas

Student to another: Well, maybe the urinal wanted to be dried. Did you ever think about that?

Houston, Texas

Overheard by: Trying to Teach Here

Frat monkey: Here’s a naked pic of my girl [shows photo on cell]…
Drunk frat friend: Nice. [Pulls out his own cell.] Here’s a picture of my dick.

Caves Bar
Arlington, Texas

Overheard by: Not impressed

Four-year-old girl: You look like a hooker.
Young mom, laughing: That’s not very nice. Where did you learn that.
Four-year-old girl: Hooker, hooker, hooker.
Young mom, annoyed: You watch too much TV.

Dressing room
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Because that IS Barneys favorite word…

Little girl in shopping cart as dad pushes it away from the mom: We’re going to jettison mom! Woo-hoo!

Department store
Austin, Texas

Enthusiastic teen girl: My 10-year-old brother wears lip gloss!
Irritated mother: Don’t tell people that!

Line for American Idol auditions
Dallas, Texas

Boy #1 to girl as he throws wad of paper: Hey, heads up!
Boy #2: Whoa! She actually caught it!
Girl, shooting proud look at them: Yeah! Duh — I’m not illiterate.

Chemistry class
Friendswood, Texas

Dude on cell: I was so excited we got new washers in the dorm laundry room… I know! You can wash, like, an entire homeless person in those!

University of North Texas
Denton, Texas

Overheard by: Big Rob

Friend #1: It just gets yummier as you go from one shot glass to the next.
Friend #2: Which side do you start from?
Friend #1: It doesn’t matter.
Friend #2: … That doesn’t make sense.

Plano, Texas

Guy: I went drinking last night, and when I woke up this morning to go to my final I was still drunk!
Girl: Ugh, don’t you hate it when you get drunk and you’re not sober?

El Paso, Texas

Overheard by: Randi

Hoochie: I strategically wore a skirt and he didn’t even try anything!

West Campus
Austin, Texas

Overheard by: Molly