Old lady to son: People are like teabags. You know?


Seven-year-old son: And then you two are going to go home and… (whistles)
Father: Meaning?
Seven-year-old son: Have sex.
Mother: Darren!
Five-year-old son: Don't be silly! Girls don't have sex.


Overheard by: Bleep

Granddaughter: Is it wet?
Grandmother: Oh, believe me. It's wet.

Waco, Texas

Overheard by: I need to get whatever they're using.

Small child, pointing to an “eat pussy” graffiti painted on the side of a restaurant: Daddy, what does that say?
Father: It’s a menu.


Overheard by: Chikara

Mother: Hey, you could get a job at Build-A-Bear.
Exasperated daughter: No I couldn't, they have to wear khaki pants and denim shirts.

Overheard by: what?s wrong with that?

Grandson, watching grandmother hold cigar as if it was a joint: If grandma takes off her bra and burns it, I'm gonna freak out.
Grandma: Oh, Simon! I'm not wearing one.

Spencer, Iowa

Enraged Frenchman to woman and son who is discreetly peeing on wall: What is wrong with you? Find a bathroom, this is a business! (starts walking away and then comes to a woman and her teenage daughter sitting on steps) And you two, get out! What are you, from the mountains? (to himself, walking away) Oh my god! I don't believe this!


Dad, changing son's diaper: Why don't you want to wear a diaper? You want to run around naked and piss and poop all over the floor?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: What are you, an anarchist?

New Jersey

Little girl: (talking over airport announcement)
Father: Quiet for a second!
Girl: (continues talking until announcement is over)
Father: Great. What if he was saying “Run! Zombies!”? We'll be sitting here like idiots while the zombies come…

O'Hare Airport
Chicago, Illinois

Mother to daughter: And soon you'll be having babies…
Daughter's friend: I want a baby.
Daughter: What?!
Friend: Actually I want a doughnut, but no one was listening to me.


Overheard by: and i want a pony