Girl #1: Jane*, I've gotten worse…
Girl #2: At what?
Girl #1: At hating Jews.
Tampa, Florida
Overheard by: Laughing hysterically
Spacey English major: So… he’s a queer writer, right?
Surprised teaching assistant: No. He’s just Jewish American.
Spacey English major: Oh, same thing.
University of Tennessee
Knoxville, Tennessee
Overheard by: Jessica
Guy: I’m pretty positive that on judgment day, god is going to have a live action replay of this conversation and be like: “See… And you were so close!”
University of Kentucky
Lexington, Kentucky
Old lady to friend: I’ve been praying for the strength to be friendly with Nicole*, but she makes it so difficult! Goddamit, I am going to heaven, so either she has to shape up soon or I have to try not to die!
San Jose, California
Balding yuppie guy on cell: All things being equal, I would like to drink.
(pause)
Balding yuppie guy on cell: Oh, so you guys are drinking in the convent?
Saxby’s Coffee
Georgetown, Washington, DC
Girl to mother: You know, that’s why I’m so messed up. My main memories of church are smearing fake blood on a Ken doll for Cain killing Abel, with pigeons cooing at me; and dancing across the stage in a pink tutu for The Odyssey.
Aurora, Colorado
Four-year old practising just before the pageant: Hark the herald, angels sing, glory to the New York king!
Church Christmas Pageant
Annapolis, Maryland
Overheard by: thought NY was a Fifedom
Muslim girl: Ramadan Mubarak!
Girl: What does that mean?
Muslim girl: It means, like, “Yay, it’s Ramadan!”
Girl: So, like … “Yay, I’m not eating or having sex most of the day!”?
Ottawa
Canadia
Girl to friend: So, you told him you were a nun and couldn’t have friends? That’s so mean!
Chic-Fil-A
Asheville, North Carolina
Overheard by: jaye
Suit: Yeah, right, I’ve got a better chance of shaking hands with the Lord… And I’m a Jew.
Keene, New Hampshire
