Tall guy: My girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend had an eight inch penis.
Younger friend girl: What!? Why would she tell you that?!
Tall guy: I guess she just thought I should know.
Younger friend girl: No, here’s a better question. Why would you tell me that!?
Chick-fil-A
Houston, Texas
Emo guy to friends: He loves me. He wants my children. He says to me: “Andrew, let me have sex with you so I can have your children.” I would do it if I didn’t have hairy nipples.
Library
Plano, Texas
Bimbette: What’s wrong with gay people? Gay people are funny.
Religion Class
El Paso, Texas
Guy on cell: Just because you own one doesn’t make you Mormon!
Barnes & Noble
Southlake, Texas
Overheard by: Autumn
Five-year-old boy: How old are you?
Tutor: Twenty.
Five-year-old boy: Yeah, well, do you know how to make a monkey?
Dallas, Texas
Teacher: In a representative democracy, if you don’t like who’s in office, what can you do?
Student: Impeach him!
Teacher: Well, that’s too drastic, what else?
Same student: Assassination?
9th Grade World Geography Class
Houston, Texas
Overheard by: amused teacher’s aide
Sorority girl #1: I should, like, just wear mini skirts all the time.
Sorority girl #2: Why?
Sorority girl #1: I have great legs, they’re my best asset. [quiet pause] But I don’t like my personality.
Dressing Room at Buffalo Exchange
Austin, Texas
Overheard by: Yes! She just redeemed herself
Serious girl: Nothing important has ever been typed with the thumbs.
UNT Campus
Denton, Texas
Overheard by: Having a Cigarette Break
Asian boy trying to open locked door: Man, how am I supposed to open this with my super Asian powers?!
Townview Magnet Center
Dallas, Texas
