California

Bimbette #1: So, like, he was talking about how, like — I don’t remember what it’s called, but like, the girl knows her parents do stuff that, like, she can’t do, like sex, so she, like, hates her mom, because she wants her dad like that, and like, she wants to kill her mom, but she knows that if she does, then, like, her dad will be mad at her, so she doesn’t do it, so she tries to be like her mom, because, like, her dad likes her mom.
Bimbette #2: I don’t get it.

Ladies’ room, UC Merced
Merced, California

Dude: I went to pet her and she opened up her mouth and my hand went straight in!

Aptos
Central Coast, California

Distraught mom on cell: I’ll sum up my vacation in one sentence: Ian punched Goofy in the nuts!

Bus to the Magic Kingdom
California

Overheard by: disneymom

Bimbette #1: Remember when you thought Mexico was just a state that you couldn’t go to?
Bimbette #2: Yeah. I didn’t know it was actually a different continent.

Oceanside, California

Student #1 seeing friend drinking Monster energy drink: Oh, I’ve never had a Monster. Can I have a taste?
Student #2: You don’t want to taste his AIDS-infested Monster!
Student #1, after long pause: Never. Say that. Again. Ever.

Doughnut shop
Huntington Beach, California

Marine: So, things were going really well until he blew the tranny.

Twentynine Palms, California

Hobo, pointing to passerby: God is going to cum all over your face!

Westwood Village
Los Angeles, California

Bisexual girl: So, you wanna go out some time?
Chick: Um, I don’t swing that way when I’m sober.

Cupertino High School
Cupertino, California

Dock worker #1: Well, personally, I prefer a nice, stiff rod.
Dock worker #2: Really, a stiff one?
Dock worker #3: I’ve got a stiff rod for you, motherfucker.
Dock worker #1: We’re talking about bass fishing here, asshole.

Safeway
Tracy, California

Overheard by: Ken Lane

Chick: What’s your background?
Girl with laptop: … Uh, I’m part Korean…
Chick: No, I meant on your computer.

Idyllwild, California