Archive for the ‘Getting off’ Category

… Doug

Man on cell: So, are we seeing a chick flick tonight? … Am I gonna get any play afterwards? … Sweet, I’ll see you later.

Your Honor, I Was Only Following His Instructions

Small Mexican man in hot dog suit: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me.
20-ish chick waiting to cross street: No, thank you.
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me, eat me!
20-ish chick: No, really — thank you, but I’ll pass. [Muttering] God, will this light ever change?!
Hot dog man: Eat me, eat me, eat me!

Wrigley Field
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Cubs Fan

Should We Invite Her?

Dude #1: Dude, did you see Rachel in class today? Smokin’!
Dude #2: Yeah… I’m totally going to wack off to her spring break pics on Facebook tonight.
Dude #1: She put up spring break pics? Me too, then…

James Madison University
Harrisonburg, Virginia

Overheard by: OdinUSMC

I Could Give a Damn How Mom Feels

Creepster #1: You know what’s really hot?
Creepster #2: What?
Creepster #1: Sniffing a sexy chick’s underwear.
Creepster #2: Yeah, man.
Creepster #1: So you do it, too? I do it after sex when she leaves the room.
Creepster #2: Yeah, me, too… But usually it’s my mom’s underwear, so my girlfriend doesn’t get weirded out.

“Ethics Of Video Games?” Excuse Us.

Ethics of video games professor: And that’s why they stoned women in the middle ages. Brunette, whispering: I think he gets off on video games.
Blonde, whispering: Ham?
Brunette, whispering: Him!
Blonde, whispering: I am not a ham!
(both girls start laughing)
Professor: Excuse me?

DePaul University
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Margo