Dude standing in line: Because when I see Kit Kats, I think home pregnancy tests.
Wegmans
Rochester, New York
Dude standing in line: Because when I see Kit Kats, I think home pregnancy tests.
Wegmans
Rochester, New York
Stoner chick: Some people get offended when I tell them I don’t want to be a lesbian during certain times of the year.
Bakersfield, California
Girl #1: So, this guy, like, offers to take her up to his room, and I was like, ‘Um, don’t think so!’
Girl #2: Oh my god, totally! Yeah!
Girl #1: So I, like, carried her up to my room.
Girl #2: Did you know her at all?
Girl #1: No! But she was pretty drunk, so I, like, made sure she was, like, comfortable or whatever. Then I went down the hall to go to the bathroom, and I come back and she, like, threw up. Like, everywhere.
Girl #2: Was she still there?
Girl #1: No, she was gone! But it smelled really bad.
Girl #2: Ewww! That’s so gross.
Villanova University
Villanova, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Bored In Class
Teacher, reading paper by student #1: ‘I’m not living my life yet.’ Then whose life are you living?
Student #1, pointing to student #2: His.
Mount Abraham Union High School
Bristol, Vermont
Dude #1: Hey! Hey! Did you hear? They caught that person who killed those two people!
Dude #2: What?
Dude #1: They caught that person who killed those two people. Or they arrested him, I’m not sure.
Dude #2: Who?
Dude #1: I don’t know. I saw it on TV.
Amherst, Massachusetts
Overheard by: Rachel
Dude on cell: I was so excited we got new washers in the dorm laundry room… I know! You can wash, like, an entire homeless person in those!
University of North Texas
Denton, Texas
Overheard by: Big Rob
Tired suit #1: I think my mail guy is dead.
Tired suit #2: Yeah?
Tired suit #1: Yeah. I remember he was kinda sick and he was always drunk. Then he just stopped showing up.
Union Station
Chicago, Illinois
Overheard by: Lauren
Hot girl: It’s great to go out with new people. My friends and I are in a conversation slump — we realized that all our conversations ended up in stories about drugs or sex, so we said, ‘Let’s be normal, you know, and talk about women and football!’ So we ended up talking about all the transvestites we know and about synchronized swimming.
Bar 13
São Paulo
Brazil
Express care doctor: Really, I think Kevorkian had the right idea. He just went about executing it the wrong way.
Marquette General Hospital
Michigan
Queer: I just got into an argument with that guy because I’m wearing a Red Socks hat. Little does he know that I fuck men — I don’t give a shit about baseball. Ha.
Bar
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
