Gay friend: I wish him the best in all his endeavors, and whatever his life is like now… But I hope he gets shot when he comes out here to Mardi Gras.
San Diego, California
Gay friend: I wish him the best in all his endeavors, and whatever his life is like now… But I hope he gets shot when he comes out here to Mardi Gras.
San Diego, California
Chick #1: The problem with buying a house seized by the police? Someone could have been murdered there.
Chick #2: That’s not a problem, that’s a bonus!
Aurora, Colorado
Guy walking opposite traffic on a one-way street: If I get hit by another car my mom will be pissed.
Clemson, South Carolina
Old lady to friend: I’ve been praying for the strength to be friendly with Nicole*, but she makes it so difficult! Goddamit, I am going to heaven, so either she has to shape up soon or I have to try not to die!
San Jose, California
(grandmother mumbles something unintelligible)
Young girl: Oh my god, grandma! I didn’t want to hear how grandpa was hung like a whale!
Longview, Washington
Overheard by: CaerBear
Girl: Hey, does anyone know if Stu* is still alive?
Guy: What? Why?
Girl, laughing: Because he went out into the woods last night with nothing but a lighter and a can of tomato soup.
Egremont, Massachusetts
Overheard by: lily
Teenage girl: Ohmigod, guess what!
Boyfriend: What?
Teenage girl: I just ran over a possum and it humped my car!
Chattanooga, Tennessee
New homeowner: Did you ever find out what was causing that smell?
Worker: Yep.
New homeowner: What was it?
Worker: I’m not gonna tell ya.
New homeowner: Come on, what was it?
Worker, with a serious face and tone: You’ve got about four and a half to five opossums underneath your house.
Huntington, West Virginia
Overheard by: Jess
Crazy hobo in McDonald’s line: Does the McDuplo come with fries?
Mcworker: Only if you get the combo. Would you like the combo?
Crazy hobo in McDonald’s line: Son of a bitch! This is McDonald’s. I want fries with my fucking sandwich. [he throws up on the floor, then walks away muttering.]Mcworker to other mcworker: I wish I was dead.
McDonald’s
Belo Horizonte
Brazil
70-something woman to 80-something woman: Oh hello, so you’re still alive?!
Wloclawek
Poland
Overheard by: renia
