Younger heavy metal guy with older coworkers: I never find the right size of long johns in the winter, so I buy women’s tights instead. (older coworkers look at him in shock) What? I was kidding! Morning humor, you know.
Macho guy sitting behind: Yeah, women’s tights make your junk look bigger!

Commuter Train

Overheard by: strictly boxers.

Girl #1, watching attractive guy: Du‐ude, check that out!
Girl #2: Oooh. Yummy! (notices friend shamelessly ogling)
Girl #1: Elizabeth!! Put his clothes back on!

Yale University
New Haven, Connecticut

Overheard by: You Can Take Mine Instead

Old lady: You know how it’s Jake’s* birthday in a week or two? And you know how he likes black leather?
20‐ish granddaughter, whispering: Grandma! You’re making him sound like a homosexual!
Old lady: Well, it’s not like I’m going to get him assless chaps.

Eagle Ridge Hospital
Coquitlam, Bristish Columbia

Conductor over loudspeaker: Diana, I have your clothes… Diana, the head conductor has your clothes.

MBTA Commuter Rail
Boston, Massachusetts

College guy #1: Hey, remember that time I fucked your mom in the ass?
College guy #2: Hey, remember that time I dressed up as my mom?

Fulton, Missouri

Overheard by: The Sweetheart

Hobo: Hey, man, can you spare a quarter?
Suit: Sure. Here you go.
Hobo: Thanks. [Calling after suit] I like your outfit!

Overheard by: rich

Preteen girl #1, trying on cowboy hat: If I was a cowboy, would you be my friend?
Preteen girl #2: No.

Newburyport, Massachusetts

Girl on phone: I’ll go on MySpace and look until I die for a picture of you in a ugly green dress!

Orlando Ale House
Orlando, Florida

Christopher Walken Has a Fever Again

Man walking into coffee shop: I need some pantyhose, stat!

Muddy Waters Coffee Shop
Burlington, Vermont

Barista #1: Yeah, Joey does a great Tim Gunn impression. You should ask him to do it for you.
Barista #2: I will. So you really like Project Runway?
Barista #1: Oh my god, yes! Like, I should totally be on that show.
Barista #2: Yeah? Do you do fashion design?
Barista #1: Well, no. But I dress myself really well. And I have really good ideas. But I can’t really sew or anything.

Fairborn, Ohio

Overheard by: Barista #3