Translation: I’m About to Start Crying

Jock #1: Dude, that bitch broke my heart.
Jock #2, eating a burrito: I know, man. You were always so unhappy, and I wanted to, like, slap you around and make you happy.
Jock #1, singing softly and staring blankly at the ground: I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you…
Jock #2: Look, man, we boys, aight? But when you start singing cheesy-ass love songs to a chick that cheated on you, gave you an STD, and shit on top of your car because she’s crazier than a fucking monkey on crack with a banana up its ass, something’s wrong with you, and maybe we shouldn’t hang out anymore.

University of Washington
Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Sam

Posted on November 11, 2019
Advice, Default, Jocks, Relationships, Washington

Or You Will Just As Soon As We Stop by That Playground

Four-year-old boy: Mom, can we get a puppy?
Mom: You don't need a puppy, you have a little brother.
Four-year-old boy: Yay!

Carlsbad, California

Overheard by: californiabeaner

Posted on November 10, 2019
Advice, Animals, California, Default, Family ties, Guys, Kids, Moms, Offers and requests, Questions, Wishes

And Then There's the Peeing in My Closet

Sit-ups guy to older dude: Oh, hey there, Bob.
Older dude: You know, every time I see you I think of my dog.
Sit-ups guy: Oh? Why's that?
Older dude: I keep trying to get him to kneel. (walks away)

Z-Center, MIT
Cambridge, Massachusetts

Overheard by: MaybeHisNameIsNeal

Posted on November 10, 2019
Animals, Colleges & Universities, Compare and contrast, Default, Guys, Massachusetts, Questions, Students

Boys Are As Disposable As Kleenex

Girl #1: Hey girl, what's up? How's your summer? You still runnin' 'round with that bad boy?
Girl #2: Oh no, he dead.
Girl #1: He dead?! No! He dead? When?
Girl #2: Few weeks ago. It don't matter. We weren't goin' out no more.

eavesdropdc.blogspot.com

Posted on November 9, 2019
Death & dying, Default, Eavesdrop DC, Girls, Questions, Relationships, Weirdness

What Kind Of Ignorant People Would Do Something Like That?

College girl #1: Did you hear about that slavery thing?
College girl #2: No, like a real, live slavery thing?
College girl #1: Yeah! It's in Europe somewhere, like the Philippines.

Rock Valley College
Illinois

Posted on November 8, 2019
Colleges & Universities, Default, Geography, Girls, Illinois, Questions, Students, Stupidity

So I Got That Question Wrong on the Biology Quiz

Girl with notebook: Women are like peanuts. And men are like… like glasses of tequila, I guess.

Wilmington, Delaware

Posted on November 7, 2019
Default

A Long-Handled One, If You Follow Me

Drunk student: I want nothing more in life than to be able to turn into a shoehorn.

Vancouver
Canadia

Posted on November 7, 2019
Canadia, Default, Drunks, Offers and requests, Students, Weirdness, Wishes

Alphonse Was Sick That Day in Health Class

Middle-aged black man #1: She has a pretty face.
Middle-aged black man #2: I can’t fuck a face!

Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Tad Allagash

Posted on November 2, 2019
Black people, Comebacks, Compliments, Default, Gripes, Guys, Illinois

Especially the One from Little House on the Prairie

Very obnoxious drunk man to long-suffering waitress: Hey, what’s your name, anyway?
Waitress (coldly): Melissa.
Drunk man (softly): Awww, my daughter’s name is Melissa.
Waitress: Well, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but we usually turn out slutty.

Bar
Los Angeles, California

Posted on November 1, 2019
Bars & Clubs, California, Comebacks, Creepsters, Customers, Default, Drunks, Family ties, Guys, Insults, Names, Questions, Servers

This Is Still Lindsay Lohan's Most Functional Relationship to Date

Drunk lesbian to sober girlfriend: Aw, I wanna puke but I can't!
Sober girlfriend: I would punch you in the stomach if you wanted …that's how much I love you.
Drunk lesbian: Awww, that's sweet.

Seattle, Washington

Overheard by: Claire

Posted on October 31, 2019
Compliments, Default, Drinking & drunks, Girls, Lesbos, Stomach, Violence, Washington

Default