20-something girl: If anyone ever punches me, all of the turtles in western Pennsylvania will get together, form a giant stack, and bite that person.
20-something guy: Wow. Like Voltron?
20-something girl: Why did I marry you?
20-something guy: *Because* I say things like that.
20-something girl (sighing): Yeah, you're right.
Walnut St
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Loud 30-something man on cell, while waiting in line for pizza: I can't wait till I'm on my way home so that I can give you a definitive get naked!
Airport
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: Kate R.
Four-year-old boy: Daddy! I wanna get hammered!
(mom pulls out a toy rubber hammer, sighing)
Dad, to everyone around: Shhhhh, nobody heard that! If you did, little forgetfulness fairies will fly into your mind!
Airport
Phoenix, Arizona
Teacher: Sit the fuck down and stop acting like a bird!
High School Classroom
Englewood, Colorado
Seventeen-year-old girl to boyfriend: You can't do anything right! I send you in there to buy me some porn and you come out with hermaphrodites? It's called Real Chicks with Real Dicks, for fuck's sake.
Boyfriend (in thick accent): I'm sorry… My english…it is not too good. I saw chicks, I saw dicks…I just grabbed it.
Manchester, New Hampshire
Overheard by: taylor
Ghetto chick screaming at other: Do you deserve your ovaries? I parked your car for you, bitch!
Porter Square
Somerville, Massachusetts
Overheard by: well, do you?
Prof: I like to click on the descriptive statistics checkbox in order to pleasure myself!
Ball State University
Muncie, Indiana
Overheard by: Can't believe she said that
Girl #1: Did you hear John* is thinking about getting a new tattoo?
Girl #2: Yeah? What's it gonna be?
Girl #1: He wants to get a kangaroo wearing gumboots, with a shovel over its shoulder. How classy is that?
Sydney
Australia
Woman to friend: I cannot even begin to tell you about the ridiculousness of yogurt.
The Gayborhood
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
Overheard by: inquiring mind
