Elderly man to elderly gaggle: Why’s everyone wasting their time trying to raise money for Africa? Africa’s a wretched country.

Max’s German Restaurant
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

Overheard by: Ladle

Frat boy: Indian food can’t be any good! I mean, if it was, they’d have chain restaurants!

Washington, DC

Black guy: You keep hearing about how racist Britain’s getting, it’s pretty scary.
White girlfriend: Oh, totally. I think that before anyone in that country over 40 is allowed to make a public statement they should take a test that’s like “is this quaint, or just racist?” and if they fail they shouldn’t be allowed to say anything.
Black guy: That would be an awesome game show.


Drunk girl looking at digital camera: Sometimes I’m having such a good time I look Chinese.

Saint Joseph’s University
Philadelphia, PA

Ditzy woman: It would look more like Australia if it was an island, because Australia is an island… right?
Ditzy woman’s daughter: I think that’s the smartest thing that’s ever been said in my presence.
Ditzy woman: Well, somebody in this family has to be brilliant.
Four‐year‐old boy: Dogs are kinda like vampires because they both have pointy teeth.

Harrisburg, Illinois

Important looking man on cell: So, apparently, Georgia is being occupied by Russia. What this means to us is… Oooh! Toothbrushes!

Washington, DC

Overheard by: ak

WASPy college student to cab driver: You’re absolutely right, sir. A curse upon the Saudis.

Girl, looking at bag of coffee: Tan‐zay‐nee‐uh. Hey, I didn’t know that was a country!
(friends laugh)
Girl: That’s a pretty name, I’m going to name my daughter that!

Manhattan, New York

Guy: Wouldn’t it be funny if she was actually selling her baby down in Mexico, and she ended up on 48 Hours Mystery, and we could say we knew her when?
Girl: I don’t think you understand comedy.

Overheard by: tim

Loud drunk guy on bus: You’re from Oklahoma? Oklahoma has the best cottage cheese in the world!

Denver, Colorado

Overheard by: I would have believed Wisconsin…